Part I

The first week of February1988, about an hour drive from the valley along the main highway coming across the small houses, trees, small grey hills and beautiful riversides along with some small tea places… We took a turn to the right away from highway, about ten meters ahead, through the dusty road, we came at the gate of the new school.

I was with two of my friends Kiran and Mithun. I was only the one new for the place for the school but those of my two mates had already been there for a year. It had been a hot day, pretty much sunny, the winter had taken the leaves of most of the trees and the grassland was dry. I could feel the heat of the sun getting through my skin.

After having the things checked in the front of the school, by the guard at the gate then we were allowed to enter the school. Kiran took me to the school building. As we came through the dusty road, and as we drew closer to the two story building with only eight rooms in it, he told me,"This, the middle room, is our class... the exactly upright on the upper floor of it in the is our hostel. We sleep there"

As we paced few paces ahead he showed me, it's our dining.” It was a long building, built with mud and bricks. A Long block made of mud bricks and stones raised about a meter from the ground seemed like a table... On two sides of it was the place to sit. It was small.... perhaps only for about fifty people at a time.

It had already been about two in the afternoon. I was very much anxious about the new life so I was just feeling it strange rather than feeling depressed of leaving the whole family... or missing the home. I was just bewildered with the new life. I had not even yet dreamt of what it could bring me in the days to come.

After some time my friend took me to the school building... class it was closed as it was supposed to begin from the next day. Then we climbed up through the stairs and we entered into a room, it was the hostel of my friends they had been living in the room since a year or some of them were even older than this. They had lived for more three four or some even five years... but then I was surprised to meet a friend whom I had met earlier. His dad had been the friend of my father when they were in forces. He was pleased to see me as he came forward to talk to me. I too was happy seeing him there. It was good to know more people in the strange place. He really treated me alike his very good friend friend though I had just known him not more than for a day ...that was when we father had taken us for a nepali movie only sometime before... perhaps just few months. I still remember, that day.... He had got tickets for all of us as he had stayed up in line for long hours though he was not good with his health. I had not talked to him that day. But I had seen him. However... the movie was pretty good... as it really had the story based upon the family affairs. This was what people around that time expected in the movies.

I was busy for sometime with my friends for somewhile ...after some time as I came and checked though the other rooms, I was surprised...I had my luggage and my box… it was underneath of the others.


It was about 4, it was then time for the tea, the bell rung. I saw everyone streaming to the dining. When we reached there, there had already been a long line being made where a man with the perky long nose and with the thick mustache was serving Haluwa (Sort of fried flour which was made greezy by adding water and finally letting water to dry). In few days I came to know the stuff for haluwa was the aid from US for the refugees and it was brought to this place by other means which I didn't understand. And the butter they used for frying the flour was from the Finland. Well, it was the same thing served every morning for about 5 yrs before the aid finnaly stopped. The schedule was slightly changed after then.

Well that day, I was with my mate waiting for the turn. After sometime, I got at the place. As my turn came I grabbed the plate and in the line waled to the man who was serving us… As my turn came he cut a little price from the very big fry pane on which it was cooked and then served it on my place... he had quite a right balance with hands.... As I could see he was doing it all well.
Before it got dark, we were all called right in open field right in between our class building and our dining hall. It was about six... as the sun was about to go beneath the hill. The old man with his hair almost white and with heavy wrinkles on his face spoke to us. He told us to feel the place like home ...to tell the problems to them… all the problems we have. He also mentioned about the school’s rules and regulations that we had to follow. Above all he made us alert with the school compound and told us to remain within its fence. Meanwhile, he also told that our place for some time would be to the next of that of the office bulding. Later I came to know he was the principal of the school

There was still the brightness in the sky... after the speech we all got up we went to our rooms ... It was completely a new place and I had been having only the new feelings and the excitements. It was completely the bewilderment for me. I was not feeling much depressed in getting a long way far from the family. I was so anxious that my anxiety had completely taken up my mind.

Later that evening before it got dark, as we were wondering around, we walked up to a group, There had been few others with the wife of camp commandant (The police officer who had worked as the chief of the school were called so). The group they were singing and sometime I could see… someone from the group would enter and dance … other would sing and clap their hands to make the rhythms. I was with my friend and we watched it till it was dark.

When it was about to get dark there was next bell, and we walked to the dining again. My memories ... I don’t have things in my brain to remember what had been the first meal… but so far, I remember, I only know that we were served rice and lentils in big drums.

There was something strange to me for the night. There was an extraordinary way in serving… when we needed more rice or lentil or water… we just needed to make the sign then a man would come and serve us for that we needed. When we raised one finger, then it was for the rice… two for lentils and five for water. It wasn’t difficult to learn.

There was no electricity, so we had the generator on for about an hour so that we could get ready to go to bed… I made the last goodbye for my friend Kiran for the day wishing to see him the next morning. Then I went to the room… It was just a small room. There were ten beds as; two of them were joined together. I was lucky... they had given me the upper bed.

All the faces were new to me… When I entered the room, I saw a fat guy taking to the others. Later I came to know he was the leader of our room though he was two classes senoir than I was.... He was on the fourth grade where as the remaining of us... we were newly admitted to the second grade. In our room I came to know most of us were from the same class ...so most of them were my new class mates the new friends indeed.

Sometime an elderely woman entered our room. She told us that she was our aunt and was there to take care of us so that we could talk our problems to her. She asked us to call her auntie from the days on ...later I came to know he was the wife of the School Father, an elderly teacher, who taught us social studies the following year. He was a good storyteller for the long years after that... he often told stories of his visit to oversea. We enjoyed hearing his stories. He was always a good teacher...and we always called him a school father… though it did never mean for any religious concern.

That day, I was tired of the day so I was soon asleep.

The next day, the early morning radio, next door woke me up. It was already light ... I was surprised to see the air was covered with fog. It was cold and the fog outside was making it still dark. It was ever the first time in my life I was seeing it and for awhile I though for if it was the rain... but it wasn't. After sometime ...the captain called us and told us to be in our tacksuits and in the canvas shoes ...

When we were ready... he asked us to follow us. As we came out I could feel the bleeze of the cold air over my face... it was the first experience I was holding it with the depth. He headed our group towards the school building... It was only few minutes walk. As we came closer I could see there had already been made several groups made according to different classes they belonged. I with some other friends got apart from the group and mixed with the friend of our grade. I could see there was a man for every group to lead. He was a sort of asking everyone to come up in line. In no time we did come into line finally he told us everything we needed before we were lined up in two streams. Then in sometimes we made up the steady run.

After sometime when we completed the run the man asked us to group in three rows and numerous columns. Then a friend of us, the class leader walked up in the front and faced towards us. He told us to do the exercises accordingly to his way. He did it and we followed up his every of his steps.

It lasted for about half an hour... though that day we didn’t do anything but later on the other days we would usually play some sort of game… and usually we played ‘budi.’ Then right after it we came for breakfast... By the time... we could see ...the big ball of red sun… it was trying to pierce it's light through the fog. It looked beautiful. We stayed in lines before the dining. There was a sort clean ground on the right of the hall ...so, we had four different lines were made according to different grades.

The juniors would take the turn first where as the last would be the seniors. It was same for the lunch… same for tea in the late afternoon and also for the supper every evening.
After, the breakfast, we went to our hostels. The roomkeeper, our auntie, she came and told us to get ready for the school classes... put on our school uniforms. In a short while we came to our class.


Our school building, those days (after some years few additional buildings were brought up) ...there were four rooms on each four... and one of them was small room compared to that with the others. That year the school had the senior three classes where as the junior class was temporarily in the newly built dining hall.

Our classroom… it was on the ground floor… and it was a middle room. It had three six rows with two desks grouped together, so it seemed like three long rows. Something very stange about our place was we never carried books and copies in bags… because through all the school our school books and copies were always kept in the class in our own individual desks… Sometime we carried only a very few in our hands to study in the hostel in the evening.

The room… there were two windows on each of the both the sides right and left and two doors as an outlet on the right. There was the black board on the front and also a big white board on the back of the wall. On the white board were the very neatly sketched pictures of players playing volleyball… with some pictures like Nepalese flag... and there were some articals. Later, I came to know those beautiful scketches were made by the school principle... and also few other articles which our class mates had written.

The class started at nine.
The first class, we had mathematics. "Chandra Sir" we used to call him He was a sort of tall guy... with a bit of dark skin but had exquisite figure...he often wore a round had with was a bit unusual to other teachers. He was our class teacher.


It didn't take long to understand the things and get used to the everyday-routine. It was almost the same everyday. For the first week I didn't feel sad for getting away from the family but as the days passed then I felt so tough with the feelings about the family and the things there that I really didn't want to go along any next day. (Well surprising I stayed there almost for a decade.)


The same week I got stationaries from the school. That day after the breakfast, we went to the office. There was a small storeroom inside the office for the books and other stationaries. We almost waited for an hour in a line in front of an office before we could get the turn...

The first Saturday, that morning at about eight we were called in front of our school building to come with ours towels and bathing stuff. After about half an hour ...the school driver came with the school bus... to take us to the near by river side. The bus was a small minibus brown in color but was quite enough to carry all of us…from the two classes… (I mean we along with the junior brothers.) The bus was full and we were squeezing one another to make our own space.

It didn't take long...perhapt only in about five minutes we came to a small river Kumle. After we walked out of the bus we were told to be in line by the class captain... in accordance to our grades. Then in a while we walked down to the river. It was just a very small river, not deep enough and not even that big to drown us. Our aunties they helped us taking bathe. I really didn’t prefered it at all… I rather loved doing it by myself.though I could see many of my friends streaming to auntie for their turn.

After about an hour we were again dressed up and lined before we walked up to the school bus and were back to the school. On the way back we sang all the way... though in a strict sense I wasn't really taking the part.

Since then, days passed, then it became a week ...than a month. The passsage of time then deepened by feeling... though usually I forget everything when I was with friends but when I was alone I greatly missed my family ...my place ... exciting moments together with my family... above all the greatest love of the mother.

However the time ... it often brings brings the reason for that we feel pain we feel alone and we feel the need of love. The wamth of some sort of truth that it makes us feel that we have lacked it and we really feel that we need it… need it to be happy… to be satisfied… perhaps above all to survive… to live.

Sort of busy morning then the class hour in the day and finally the playtime with the friends in the late evening almost took my time. It made me to forget the feelings of missing of the family… and also the outer world… the world beyond where we were living…


During the class hours and the playtime… I was mostly with Kiran.He was a very cool and friendly. We had taken the seats together in the class… so in short time we became very good friends. During the playtime… we would always be together… We both loved being in the sandpit where we would slide a small wooden log left as the remaings from the construction. We would take the wooden piece as the toy and as we slide over the sand we would make the sound “zzzzzz” to make it lively. Sometime we would also go to the place where there were tyres of the big trucks or cars buried in a line on the gound. We loved rolling around or swriling over it.
But in the evening we lived apart in different hostels.


Almost every weekend, I mean on the Fridays we had some sorts of programs. Sometimes cultural which would includes dances, singings or drammas. Usually the elder brothers made the best, but every occasions we also did our best to show with what we had. Apart from this we would have contestand competitions which included Quiz contests, Spelling contest or a sort of poem competition or debate. Always the teachers would tell us early that very week and we would do the preparation though the week beore the final day for the performances. Though it was not usual that I wished to get prizes but still I would always make my best effort to get it, someway. Many time it ended up in disappontment ... But still I would satisfy myself.
"I will definitely try it the next time."


It had not even been the first month in the school I had the sever infection in my foot .I couldn't properly walk. Still I hadn't told it to anybody else as I had thought it would heal it some days. But in about two weeks it got worst. It was so bad that the camp commanded, of our school took me with some other friends who had their own problem in a school bus to the near by heath center. There the assistant pierced my infected foot with the needle and the lymph collected in it oozed out like a little spring. It gave me a terrible pain as I felt the whole of my right part of my feet falling apart ...but I didn't cry. In about half an hour we returned back with the bandage rolled around my feet. Then slowly I recovered in few weeks.


Six weeks after the arrival, my friends... specially, Kiran had been talking about going back home. It was that every second Friday of the months we were allowed to go to our homes. Sometimes we were also allowed to go for the holidays of any religious occasion as there would be so many through out the year.

My friend kiran had been exquisitely happy. Since few days he was always taking about the same thing. There would be some one to come to take him home for the weekend. For me ...I had not expected that anyone to come to take me home. So, I was in a sort of confusion or in delimma. One thing he assured me made me happy. He told he would do his best efforts to take me home with him.


For me my family had been far away, it was now almost every night I was thinking about them. I would think what would they be doing the very moment. In my bed I would go one making several stories... No matter it might never have been the way I thought but I would never keep myself out of thinking of my mother ...my sisters and my little brother with whom I had spent the very begining of my childhood. The everyday that I had spent lavishily now had started to count for me. Because I was living with it now ... the love had deep rooted in my heart... and memories was only the thing that could make me feel the reality that there is still something that existed. Though it was only sixteen miles away from home but I would feel ... it was alike some thousands of miles... alike as if it existed in a different planet.


In a month of time, I was talking almost to everyone in the class. Throught out the day I would be with Kiran. He was so cool and sensitive, so no way I would miss the chance making him my best friend. In class we had the seat together we would sit, talk and walk together, it was me who had been so impressed with him. Nevertheless he too would always call for a hand whenever he felt I needed and helped me with the greatest with all that he could do.

As still some of us, the new commer had been taking a different building, a small house. It was Rochan I would be talking to in the evening. He would be talking about his home, parents but especially about his dad, police officer and told was to be promotted to District officer in a short time and about his uncle... a well known nepali movie star of the time and his great time and conversations with him. He would give big details about all this. (Well to be true enough it was after a decade his father was promotted, the last year before we departed. We did get sweet for it.)

It was soon; I compromised with our hostel captain Pempa. One day I went to him alone and to please him offered him some snacks and biscuits that I still had with me and asked him to be more fair to me sometime if the things don't get right. He did seem please with it that moment. I was happy learning the things did quitely seem to work.

But it was only a week after, one evening, he after the evening class, I was with my friend in his ben talking to him as there was no power. He came to us called all of us out in the lawn... then hit every of us on our palms with the bambo stick. He told we made a lot of noise in the hostel. Then I understood things always don't work the way.

It had been about six weeks of our arrival. The second Friday we were allowed to go to our homes. But it was also that almost ever Friday we had some sort of progams ... not so formal... but something to take our time ... and everyone ... including the teachers would come for it. My friend Kiran had been talking since the morning, there would be some one to come to take him and they were certain to go home. For me I was unsure for if there would be anyone to take me. I knew they wouldn't know when I would have holidays and more than this I was sure for that they wouldn't even have time to think about me when they had too think to much of their own bussiness. But, it was my friend kiran who gave we great words of sympathy, to comfort me... he promised he would do the most possible to take me with him.

Things did happen the way we thought. I was lucky to make a way for this time. They had their own jeep and it was great trim coming home all the way back home. But before it, we did go to see his mother in the hospital. It was ever the first time I had been into such a big hospital. It was a regional hospital. And in the night with so many lights all aound it looked extraordinaly large.

It was already dark when we arrived. I thanked my friend and said him goodbye. Few minutes walk from there, I was my sister and my mother, were busy in the shop. I was so happy to see them again. I flug to my mother into her arms. The happiness was immense something out of measure. It was so long; I was waiting for... for the day like this. So many nights I had counted them just looking forward for the day to be together.

Certainly, everyone was so happy seeing me back again I too had felt the same. My sisters would come with the things that they have got ... they felt so glad to show them to me. They had lots of stories to tell as I had the same for them. Mother would come with the best of what she could make for the even. It was a sort of celebration for all. It was only for a day I had been back. Just for the weekend. Saturday I woke up late. That day I didn't do much... just went around the lake with two of my sisters. They did some laundry and I kept looking at them.

Next day I was to go back to school as the day slowly turning into night I felt a sort of sadness inside myself. Just a day to be be back home ... it was wonderful then ever and to return back to school... Teachers, captains and strict rules, I couldn't sleep for long. However I didn't know when I got into asleep. It was next morning I was woken up.

I hurried, packed up my things in a small bag that I had brought from the school. Father drove me to my friend house and we got into his jeep... to go to the school. After then driving across the highway, trees hills and beautiful riversides it was a beautiful drive but leaving home... family, it lurch the extreme sadness inside ... In about an hour we were back at school again.


With time... and passage of the days... it wouldn't take much to adapt. The only thing that would make us to forget our families was time with friends. In a day or two when we would get used to the routine again then we wouldn't miss the family the way we had to. It was then... friend; it was only the thing that was only an alternative to the sadness and lonliness of missing the family. It is something difficult to realised the exact worth... and when one find the absolute truth in it then he realises it's the true and exact worth of it ... the value it covers and the compesiation that it doesn't have.


Day after day... it came week... that we waited for. Saturday, a day holiday would even mean us the most. Getting bath in the river, then getting rid of our longer nails with the help of our aunts, a long sleep in the day after the food and the evening after the play, was the end of the so long waited day. Next day ... the school is on again.

It was a month later... again on the second week of the month. I was almost sure for that this time again my parents would not be able to come to take me home. Though I hadn't got the hoped much with my parents... but it was my friend again that I had hope would help me again.
I was very hopeful this time again. During the midday after the classes ended at almost one. We were around the school building looking for someone to come to take us. It was not a surprise someone did come for Kiran. But luck didn't favour me this time. His uncle had come in a bike to take him. And there was no space for this.

Now it was then, my happiness and hopes collasped into an anguished and sadness. No longer I could hold myself... all of a sudden I brust into tears and came out with a loud cry. The staff of the school from guard house came and took my hands to push me back to school... as I forced my self to my friend Kiran who was about to leave.

To put me away, it wasn't easy for the man. As he had grabbed my hand to drag me back from the place... I left my legs to make myself full... With screaming cry and eyes full with tears, I was still defending for a hope. When he draged me all along, I even threw of my legs... but still he easily carried me far away and left me. But still I made another effort comming back. But when I returned, no hope was left. My friend Kiran was gone.

After all as a small kid... there was nothing I would do... more than to except for what was given and what it had to be. I kept screaming and crying until my voice soar and my tears dried. But there I found no one to understand me. I was defeated. All that I learnt from was to accept what it comes and to create own world to satisfy oneself and to be happy. And that was only the remedy to it.

To be true to you, as I write down you wouldn't undertsand how much I had missed my parents... my sisters brothers, living far away from them, I had greatly missed their love and their wamth. Instead, I had lost the freedom to live... All that was infront of me was chains... chains of strict rules, uncertain anguish of the teachers. All this things only for a reason... a good future.

Things got usual again in a day or two. With the routine and time with friends we would slowly blur our feelings of missing home again. It would teach us to adopt with the surrounding so that we didn't feel lonely anymore.

The classes scheduled and respective teachers took their classes except that with the engish lesson and the subject was "Gulmohar". We had not got any teachers for it. The teacher before who taught the subject was called Manoj sir had not arrived yet. But everybody talked about him. His name was known to everyone even those who had newly joined the school. It was because, he was the very strict teacher in the school and everyone feared of him.

Surprisingly, he did come once in the school. But we learnt he wasn't going to teach us. In two weeks we had new teacher to replace him. He was a thin dark man with big mustache and of Indian nationality. His name was Fenson.

In the beginning, the School Father (we called him father because of his old age) taught us social studies... in those cold fading winter days we would bring us in the sun in the sandy ground, glass covered with full of small stones. We would get around him in almost a circle, a stick uin his hand he would read out the few words from the book and we would repeat him. And at some points he would describe the sentence. Sometimes he would even tell big stories which futher made the class more interesting. Usually he would tell the same story about a patriotic story of a boy of certain county...Once during the wartime had held up the country's flag on the burning ship before he too had burnt to death.

There was even something more everyone appreciated him for, he had beautiful handwriting. Everyone loved it. He usually worked there as the handwriting teacher for more than a decade.
But at the same time also got new teacher for social studies. We called him "Thapa sir". He was a small man looked more like a boy. His voice was deep, his accent strong and his look aggessive.
But there was something in him so peculiar, evening with all this... he usually looked friendly. In many occasions he would tell us stories, he would talk about movies... or about his schooldays. That made many of us like him. Once he even brought a magazine of one Hindi movie "Shahenshah" (the very hit movie of the time) and passed it through each of us in the class. It was not all that he wanted to do. He even assured us for the real show.

Next week, on Saturday eve he really did it. Though we hadn't got the electricity yet. And everynight it was the generator that was used for the evening classes that lasted for about an hour. But working with the principle and office chief for the generator and with the color television and the VCR player that he had brought the show was initiated in the big dining hall which was not yet brought into use.

In the beginning there was some problems in adjusting the screen and sometime with the supply from the generator but later it was conducted. And the show was great. For me... it was ever the first Hindi movie show ever in my life... I was greatly impressed with it ... it was something to talk for the few weeks and for some months.

Sometimes, we would also write us english songs and taught us to rhyme it. "Sunday Morning" "ticket to the Blues" and "Bachelor Boy" was the one we would often sing when we would be in a group while in a bus or when we were in some occasions. There was the next song "Black Magic Women" he even wrote and pasted on the notice board, however it was not much of notice to many of us. (It was after a decade, I knew more about it.)


One evening taking to my friend Kiran, we talked that the teacher was there and he asked he to see who had been there. I tried to convince him that I could do it for him. There had been no body in our class and everyone seemed engaged in their own way.

I slowly got up and walked to the next room when I reached the door, it was closed so I made a knock. Then I waited for sometime. It didn't open, so I turned back and told my friend the story.
After some time, Thapa sir came into our room. Then he asked us who had knocked the door. I was on the middle row and on the first from the front. I decided not to lie and not to hide. So, I stood up and told him it was me to do it. The he asked me to come out of my seat. He didn't ask for any reason, infront of all the class he just asked me to bent down. Then he took off one of his sandle and fiercely stroke it on my back for several times. The class was dead silent. Tears quickly ran down my cheeks but because of the fear I didn't cry. It was then I remembered my family, my mother for such a great love they had for me, in no way they would ever be so cruel for me even for any severe mistake in my life. But for a small thing, I was so brutally treated. It greatly offended me but I knew I had to accept it, didn't matter at all even if, it was right or not. I must have to accept it. It was the rule. A cruel rule to be accepted.


It was beginning of summer, The sun it was very hot in the day. We could feel the climate was trying to change. There would be a clear sunshine in the morning, no more fog anymore. During the day we could feel the warm wind blowing across the glassland and trees and see the clouds usually moving towards the north. And sometime we could even see the sky heaved with black clouds and the strong winds came across the grassland to blow the dust and dry leaves and gave a massive shower of big rains.

It was the first week of March, that day after our classes in the late afternoon, the wind and rain it was so fierceous and heavy, it blew away the roof of our dining hall. The rain lasted for about an hour.

Later in the evening, surprisingly we were brought into the new dinning hall. It was a big hall about 30 meters in length and 15 meters breadth. And the middle of the lengths had it's outlets. One was the main entrace at the south and next was for the store and other auxuliaries. So, it was like that the entances in the middle had intersected the hall into two. However, the place had yet not been over with the construction work and it had no lights. With the candles on the wall, on that first eve, the jute sacks were layed on the wet cement floor in the long three lines, two on the middle and one on the south. The remaining side was used to get as the way to reach for the big drums of rice and lentils and curry.

The following Saturday, father came to see me. I was happy he had brought so many things. It was a big bag of biscuits, noodles, and sweets to eat. That day I didn't tell him much but I told the captain of our class had been too strict for us. I thought it would bring some changes. Well, I found he had told it to some authories but the matter was ignored.


It was the first Sunday in the month of May. After our lunch we were called at the resting-place, for the guest, closer to the main entrace of the school. Though, it was not that everyone was present, but still the place was filled with several students and some teachers. When we arrived to the place. There were some of our friends and brothers singing and dancing in the middle of the group. It was not formal though. Later I was told it was for the farewell of the marshal art teacher. We were too small to learn the art so it was brothers whom he did really meant. But still some of our friends too took part, singing or dancing for him. It wasn't scheduled so anyone intrested could come in the centre and perform an art. For the dancers, everyone would sing for him though there was no music, some came to sing, everyone heart him very well. And some even came with small jokes and short stories. Everybody there seemed to enjoy it. One of our classmates, Santosh Thapa was only the one to take part in the show. He sang for them and made some actions to facinate the show. At the end, the farewell was made putting over the garland made of the flowers by our senoir brothers and blushed him with dry red colour. He was greatly fascinated.

A week later, we had the first terminal exam. Two shifts in a day. One from nine to eleven and next from one to three. We were to give exams in our same classroom but each of the desks was isolated from two. But stange, we weren't so concious about it. In the menatime after the lunch, we would run and play inside the room unless the school bell rang for the exam.

After the exams, it was the same day somebody was there to take Kiran home. He did try to take me with him. But things didn't work. They told that all of the dues of my school fees had to be cleared before they would leave for the holidays. But before he left he told he would tell my parents about it.
That evening after the meal, it was good starry night, we formed in a small group infront of the school building. There were also some schoolteachers who took over the group. There we sang for sometime before we dispersed.


It was after two days, the day had been to hot so, after our lunch, we were all gathered in a classroom. Desks and chairs were alligned at a side. At the corner, a space was made for someone to sing or dance or tell jokes. I was engaged with it but it was always that I always felt nervous taking part in any shows or events like that. Though I was never intrested in taking the part but I was always interested in watching these shows.

Well, all of the sudden, somebody called out my name. It was a sort of a surprise to me. I hurriedly came out of the room. Leaving behind the crowd, no body noticed me coming out. At the door I saw Kaliya uncle, (He was the staff of the school- a police personnel who worked as the barber for us) he told me somebody had come to take me home.

My heart was extremely enlighted with excitement. I was so happy and overjoyed my eyes sprang with tears... Overwhelmed with joy, anguish and excitement I raced to see who had been there. Yes it was my father who had come to take me home. Then, I gain went to hostel to pack up my things in a small back to take it to home. I hurried back as I saw no used of staying longer at the place. With pride and joy feeling it was a nice drive in a bike coming back home.

Getting back home I was so happy to see everyone again. I was the only one in the family, who had been living so far away. So, I was certain they were waiting to see me to tell all the stories they had. It was same with me. I too was too excited to see them and I too had lot to talk to them. And it was there a long meeting that went on that day.

It was a month vacation. And it was almost the beginning of monsoon. So, most of the time, didn't matter for if it was a hot sun or the raining day. Only with trousers and pair of basic sandels but nothing on the top, I would go for the fishing through the day- long with my neighbouring friends. Well small fish were only our targets.

One sunny Saturday afternoon, me, my brother along with two sisters had been for the swimming in the lake. Father had come in the house seeing no of us there had waited us to come back. He was very strict and being in the force sometime he was more than brutal.

Earlier he had warned us not to go to the lake but we didn't take his words. But as we came back home just sometime after the midday, he was totally flushed with anguish. There was no other way than to run away. We, three of us except my sister manju managed to fleed. To my poor sister, he had stroke her bad at her back, as she was too young she flew a distance before she hit the ground. There he had left her. Later when we reached there, she was moaning, her eyes filled with tears unable to cry. Her mouth was full of blood.

It was strange, she was the one who would withstand the patience and also that she was the most hardworking in the family. In reality she didn't know what had happened to her. After then, she cleaned her face. Looking at her I could see there ws no any sign on her face to discover for anything that might have had happened to her.

It didn't take long, I realised the time had come for me to go back to school again. As the day grew nearer and nearer, the thoughts of fear started covering my mind. I had fear, I had anguish and I in no way I had the feeling to go back to school. But I knew it was not the thing that would ever be for me. In no way I can ever escape the place, at any cost I knew I would be taken to that hell again and that was the ultimate reality.

So, there was no doubt I should have looked like a monster with the blushed and withered face. With silence all around and my heartache with the inner cry I was accepting all this. Yes, then it was the day, drive back to the school. It was my mother to take me back. I counted bushes and trees and the hills to remind me of how much I had passsed on. But soon I realised they were beyond the numbers so, I had to give it up. However there was something I wordered through the way. The greenary, the beautiful hills and the recently planted rice field it was an extreme specular gift of nature... the water streams which had been dried for so long had come very high. With all this, one cannot ignore of how the nature is consistent to itself.

It didn't take long the bus dropped us at the school gate. We walked down to the guard. There, things in my bag were inspected before they let me go in. after few paces I looked back to my mother ... She was on her own way... I kept on sight on until she vanished out of my sights but she didn't turn back to look at me for the next time.

My heartly greatly crushed and with only the sadness within me. Missing everyone, my eyes were covered with tears. I hadn't screamed or cried yet. But Things were out of control. As I made my paces to hostel... numerous teardrops fell running down my cheeks... and through the edges of my lips to the ground where they vanished with no traces left. It was irressisible, something that was beyond of that I could control. Stepping through the hostel door, I swept the wet eyes to ensure myself to be defeated again for the next time.

But getting there, things were slightly changes. Some of the rooms of the new hostel building were already taken. But still it wasn't very clear of who is to be where and to which room.

The school it had some chages through the time. There were bushes all around and the open stone fields was covered with tall green grasses. Something to talk about was our lavatory in the open field. It was all covered with huge bushes as tall as we were. It usually frightened me with snakes and other animals. There were so many plant's that had big leaves and ready yellowish fruit they looked incredible but were infect very poisonous. And we did walk though it the time we needed to.

It was the second day, as my friend Kiran had not yet been back to school, to take my time I would go to Dharmendra, He was a senior brother but was someone closer who had known my parents. He always did his best to comfort me. But me, my mind was a sort of always occupied in strong the feelings of being in the family and the enormous love we shared and this utlimately broke me to cry many time until there my eyes seemed to be emptied with tears.

It was true, I wouldn't scream, or cry through out night and day. But it was no certain when I would be hurted and then my eyes would fill with tears. Seeing my situations, once that early eve just before dark, when the school principle was along the way to the new hostel the friend dharmendra had told him about my situation and had asked him to send me home. I was delighted, He conforted me and told me that he would help me get home the next day.

Words from the principle, it was a sort of great assurance for me. It brought a surge of happiness that confoerted me when I felt hurted and lonely. That moment I felt it was him who had tried to understand me. So, that night I could sleep well hoping for the next day to come where my great wishes were to be made to reality.

Next morning, we were told to move all our things to a big hall in the new hostel. So, most of the morning was spent for it. While bringing back the things, I lost my bag. It had so many of my things, my school uniforms, towel and other stuff. I tried to find them, asked to the new aunt. But no, I couldn't get it.

When the things were over, then I recalled what the principal of the school had promised me last evening. So, with my friend Dharmendra, I walked to his office and told him all about that he had assured me last night. He simply smiled at me and said.
"Don't worry we are make the preparation for taking back to your home. We will surely take you tomoorow."
Then he went with his story. He told others staff of the office that I was very homesick. I really didn’t know what accually it homesick meant. They just looked at me but non-of the told me anything. Believing in the words of the school principal, I again hoped for the next days. But same day my friend Kiran arrived and we had so much to talk to. Now we were in the same big hall. He took the upper bed and I took the lower part of the same bed.

Next morning the classes were to begin again. After I woke up I felt some difference. I didn't feel like going to pricipal again, as I thought he would again turn me off assuring me with the next day. So, that day I decided getting more prepared going to the class with my friend Kiran as we had a lot to talk to.

But things were different now. As we started living together, there were new things to adopt with. We no more had Pempa as our captain. It was Krishna, who was the over all captain for us. Even within few days I realised of the realities and differences. Now we had to wake up with the morning, since the hostel was less than fifty meters from the school building it was the same bell used in the morning. The captain would then wake all of us and with tooth brushes holing inbetween our front teeth, we walked to the wash our faces and clean ourselves to get ready for the morning exercises.

For washing, there was a big well like tank about ten to eight meters in length and width and about ten meters deep inbetween the school and the hostel building. To get the water from the tank, there were few old iron buckets tied with the long jute ropes which the uncles or the aunts would drop down into the tank and pull out on the top. With the help of a jug they would serve a little to every of us surrounding them.
Within few days I also discovered the stragety of our captian.

He was a big guy with almost more than twice the height of us but thin. However he was not only the one who was was so strange in the class. There was the next guy, Arun which almost same as his height but had incredible weight, perhaps almost the twice that we weighted.

In few days, I learnt every one was so aware of him. For the last few months I hadn't know him so well it was perhaps because I had lived in different hostel. But livning there I slowly grabbed on the bitterness of what the most had been feeling since more than a year.

Though in the beginning, things didn't come out that easy, only some stories were overheard in private, as there was no body to talk against him even in his absence. There were few those who really dared to talk against him in private.

In no way I was confused with what he actually was. The first thing I learnt of him was during the physical excercises. In a month we had to learn eighteen different execises which were differentiated into three groups, six in each. After running certain distance, perhaps about 3 times the whole of the grounds (there were four different football grounds for each classes - but no poles and the marked line- the terratory was a marginal.) Then we were lined up, in three long rows. Usually, he would be the one to do it else he would point somone to do it. There would be so many of the police personnels coming to joins us. Sometimes they too came to guide us. But usually it was him, who guided us. After it was over, he would ask each of us. If we did it right, some itime he just let us go. But for some, he went on with different ones unless the person made some mistake. Once mistake he would punish, no matter with a stick or asking him to bent down with only touching the ground with two parallely stretched hands and the stretched legs until he finished it with everyone. In the beginning days I was also one of those usual victims.

After the classes, in the late afternoon most of us would come out for the football match. Yes, two good players would select one after another but turn by turn and form two group of the whole crowd of the class. Every class had their own team formed that way and we usually never intermixed to one another unless there was special matches, in some occasions like annual sport. However through all my years I was not the real participant in any football competition. Though I was keep interested in the matches but was passive to be the participant in the field. After all I knew I wasn't good in it.

It was monsoon, so days would be hot to go for the play. So, until about five we were not allowed to be in the field. Aften then we would go to our ground and start the match after the team was made. The leader of our team, usually a good player, would ask me to be at the back, as the backkeeper. I was satisfied with my position.

The sun it would be so hot, very soon we would all be drentched with sweat, we would play for more than an hour before the bell rang for the stopage for the games. Thirsty and tired, and completely soaked with wet we would walk back to the hostel before we went for washing.


On Saturdays, we needn’t go for physical exercises. This was the very best thing for me because I hated it. I loved to be in bed rather. Sometimes when it rained or we had holidays for some religious occasions, then we lso didn’t go for PT. After our breakfast usually they would take us to the river to take a bath. Aunts would help us as they way they had always done. While coming out from school and also while returning back to school, in the bus, we would sing songs. One of us would start and others would follow, this was the tradition.

After the lunch, in the day it would be so hot to wonder so, our captain would force us to go to sleep. It was the rule we all had to be in our bed. It was not only that we were not allowed to talk to each other, but we were not also allowed to move or even open our eyes. If the captain did find it, then he our make us couch to be a hen and held oour years, or thrust the pipe at back across our butts. No one offended.

It had been a week of our arrival from the vacation, everyone started talking about the school day. It was the annual function, and so many parents were to come to met their kids and see the show. Everyone started getting on engaged with programs for the show. As the school had been named with the name of Prince. It was on his birthday, the event was supposed to take place.

The show was to include dances, sinngings, drammas and formal speeches. The preparations were carried out even before a week. Everyday the dance teacher would come and teach the dances. It was the boy's school so it was boys who were sometime dances in the costume of woman, sometime in singles or duals or in a group. Some of the schoolteachers worked to make several groups for singing, where as some of the others got engaged with the dramma.

Before the final day everything was made ready. A big tent for few hundred people was made right infron of our class building. A stage was also built at the east of it's breath, which was decorated with lights, colourful balloons and other specimens. The entrance or the school gate and also the both the sides of the ways were beautifully decorated with the hundreds of colourful triangular papers glued to the very long strings. It was already looking miraclular.

Before the final day, after our lunch we were neatly dressed up in our school uniform. Our newly aunt had done it with all of us. She was very good with us. She was a tall lady with some many pierced marks on her dark brown face. Though she spoke less but she was a good lady, who always felt to help us the time we felt needed.

Sometime later, we were taken in a line to the huge tent. There had been the carpet layed for us where we took our seat accordningly. All the carpet in the ground was filled with the students.
The remaining portion was all filled with chairs. At the beginning of it, there was fascinating Sofa for the distinguished guest, who was the chief Regional Police officer and some special chairs around it for the others guest and finally our class chairs for the guardians.

We, all the students were the first one to take the places. In some time, the space was slowly filled. Soon other special guest arrived in their vehicle and finally it was the distinguished guest.
Soon after his arrival the show initiated with the national anthem, that a choir of boys, the senior brothers sang on the stage. Everyone stood up from his seat. So did we. When it was over, we took our place back.

Then was the welcome speech for the distinguished guest and the chair before the show began. There were dances, singings, and two drammas, one english and the next - Nepali.after about three hours the show came to the end.

But before the end, there was the speech from the principal Devendra Grg. It was followed by the prize distribution for the class toppers and finally the show ended with the speech from the distinguished guest and the chairman.

After the show I then realised how massive the crowed had been. The sun was already getting down, and I was feeling tired and hungry. Quite suprisingly for the tea, today we had special- It was packed indian sweets for us. No, I couldn't believe. I did grealty loved that.

Next day we had a day off. But after it school was scheduled to the school routine and it followed smooth classes.

Two weeks later, it was time to go back home for the holidays. It was Dharmendra this time, the one to take me home. I did enjoy getting back again. The joy overrode my mind... With the sound of falling water down the terraces of the rice fields and the croaking frogs, it was a different reality to me. With my mind... with illusions and despair, the overwheling happiness of seeing everyone and the bitter reality of to lose their sights soon, there all things rolled on and on before myself and I didn't know meanwhile when I had really got into asleep.

The Saturday morning, as earlier, I had already told her about my missing things, we went to her friend's shop in the main town and she got a new teeshirt for it ... thin cotton light blue teeshirt, good for the summerdays. That evening, it rained. So, I stayed with mom taking to her about the shool. I told her I hadn't enjoyed it at all.e told she would help me after the end of the session or that year. The same time she also handed me a twenty rupees note on my hand. She looked at my eyes and told, I could have drink or something else with it, when I got the occasion.
Sunday morning I left home. It was with Kiran I was to go back to school on his jeep.
But before we even got out of the valley, the driver realised something was wrong with the vehicle, so, he decided for the repair. We spent all of the morning in the garrage before it got ready for the drive.

In about an hour before the noon we entered the school gate. We were so hungry when we got there, after getting our things checked we were allowed to enter the school. Right after it, having our things put into our hostel... we went for the lunch.

Two weeks later, there was the interschool football tournament in the Pokhara Valley's Stadium. It was on the knock out basis. The first match was with a certain school and it was easy victory for us, that evening the players had told us after they returned from the match.

On the next day, for the supported the school decided to take all of us for the match. It was a good favour for us. But I decided not to go. Later that evening, they were late coming back to school. They were all wet because of the big rain during the match. The result wasn't good that day. We were defeated with 3-1 with Mount Annapurna School.


It was the same month, one Saturday, after the lunch we had been to river for the bathe. We walked all the way so, it was late in the afternoon when we were back to the school. Something strange made me wonder. Well, some of the most senior brothers were fixing the new television antenna on the rooftop of the school building.

That evening we had the TV show in the senior's classroom.It was an fourteen inches black and white television granted to the school by one of the guardian of a junior student. The show was the national broad cast. We watched news and an episode of the Nepali teleserial "Raap".


It was one Saturday morning, the captain of our class, Krishna brought a good news for us. That day after the lunch the school would be taking us for the show "Beating the Retreat".
It was the atheletic show by the well-trained amatuer police personnels. I was excited about the show because I had ever seen it before. On the way from the school we had some schoolteachers with us. All the way in the bus we all sang. One would start the any of the common song, popular ones of the time or sometime those english songs taught in the class. It was very exciting.

When we reached the staduim, we came out and our captain asked us to be in the line. Then at first they took us to the balcony, but later we were brought down on the ground on the open field.

The show was extraordinary for me. I enjoyed the dances that were very well managed. The acrobatic show was very impressive. Gymnestic and other marshal art like breaking the mud bricks and drivning the motor bike through the fire rings these all were splended. The last one was the motorbike show that was to fly over more than ten vehicles. A big triangular board was brought in the middle of the ground. Then vehicles were broughts and put into lines amking one their sides adjacent to the others. Their lights were turned on, it made the brillant effect on the late evening. After riding few times around the rider ran the bike through the board and successfully landed on the ground after flying over the vehicles. Everyone made the great clapping for the success.

The show ended and we were again asked to be in line. Then the captain took us to our school bus in the line, I had already been in the bus. Then suddenly I heard somebody calling for me. To see for who it was, I came off the bus. I saw, It was my eldest sister that had come to see me. I hadn't expected anyone there I didn't knoww how she knew it and how she could find it. It was completely a shock and more than this a big surprise for me. As it had already been too late for me. She handed me a plastic bag of groundnuts and sweets. I was so glad with it. Later I realised, Perhaps, it should have been her share bought for herself, but had given it to me.
We were tired after the show. On the way back to school... almost on the midway, one of the back tyres of the schoolbus was punchered. So, it was already late and very dark when we returned back to school.


The third week of august, we had the children day celebrated in the school nationwide. For us it was also the sports day. Few days earlier, pricipal himself had been engaged making all the preparation with games and sports.

For the first time I tried to participate in the hundred meters race. I was kicked out in the first run. So, I didn't try again for any of the other events.

For the main day, a day before, we were all called on the ground to clear the stones and gravels. It worked with it for some hours with the small blunt iron rods. That day we did the best with all that we could.

Next day early in the morning, the tent was built on the ground in front of the hostel. The show was inagurated by some senior police officers. Several final events of races and other events were performed on the day. Finally the prizes were awarded to the winners and the show ended with the speech from the principal and thwe chairman. More than every thing Sweet distribution was the thing most attractive to me.

Since the next day things again became regular and the days normal. It didn't take long weeks passed then a month. The second terminal exam was closer. Usually teachers would come during the evening classes and we were getting more engaged with studies rather than any other things.

Yes, when the things got usual it wasn't the difficult thing to live... but sometimes when bad things happen like when teachers would scold us for any small mistakes or hit us for any wrong deed. Then this was something that turned me. That just reminded me of my family, my mother though because she was always so curious for all about me. But sometime when I had to broke down to cry and no one to understand then I hated everyone. I knew they would have never make me feel the way what the teachers would sometime make us feel.

So, once I didn't talk to one of the english grammar teacher for several days. When he asked me the question, I told him I didn't want to talk to him. It was not the big issue but some of my friends did keep reminding me even after several years later. Because it was the teacher himself who would hadn't forgetten the issue.

One evening, after our food we were just in the classroom for the evening class. Suddenly the blubs grew more lighter, some thing strange happened to the coil of the fluroscent lamp, there was the stream of smoke coming out of the coil and in very short time, the class was about to start and almost all of us had been there. We were so frightened that screaming and shouting in terror we ran out from the class. Knowning this, somebody soon turned off the main switch and the whole school was again in the dark.

To hold us, soon all the teachers and schoolstaff rushed to the classrooms. They asked to be in the groups according to our standards. That evening Fenson sir was the one to take our group, we all were taken to the ground infront of the school building. It was bright night. The moonlight was intense as the full moon the sky was clear and the we could feel the cool wind tenderly blowing across our face as we walked to the field closer across some distance from the school building.

There in the green glasses all around we stayed all round the teacher and waited if the power could be maintained. The teacher soon started talking about the courses, the book and the lessons. He wasn't so friendly to tell us stories or do something to cheers he. We considered him more a strict teacher.

We waited there for about an hour, later it was known things couldn't be maintained until the next morning. So we didn't stay up longer after knowing this.

Once I learnt from my friend, when we didn't feel good, we were taken to a clinic, by a schoolstaff. It was about fifteen minutes walk upright to the small hill across the small stream and then over the flat land. Learning this, though I wasn't with any problems, but still I went to see the assistant there, some time for cold or cough but usually for the headache. When I often visited him. I told him his medicines weren't good enough to care me. One day he suggested me to make special checkup in the eye hospital. I needed glasses he told.

In two week we had exams. More anxious than how the exam would be, we were more excited going home... we started counting days and and getting prepared with the things to take them home.

During the exams, we weren't so serious the way we should have been. Everyone tried to get engaged in his own way, no matter some studied in classroom, some in hostel and some even in the ground underneath the trees...

As earlier we had two shifts. Morning shift was so soon, I could hardly finish it getting once through it. But after lunch I felt I had enough of time.

Sometime, I watched the two men of the school workers who had been digging big holes in the ground next to the hostel building to bury the cement poles for the tranmission lines of electricity. They were huge ones and sometime after my morning shift I would talk to them. One day a man showed me a small bone, he told me it was a human remaining and more possibly the finger joint. Additional he told ... once the place had been the cremation ground where the dead bodies used to be buried. It did frightend me not for that moment but through all the years while leaving in that place.

In the autumn, every thing looked green and peaceful but the days were still as hot as that of the summer. The dragonflies flew low above the ground suggested that the monsoon was fading. It was something I adored to watch. These flies would fly and fly for several hours without any stopage. I was not interested only in watching them flying. I was more interested in hunting them.

So, even in the hot days, alone myself, completely saoked with sweat I would run after them. I would break a small branch from the nearby bush and run after them before reached closer and made the stike. I wasn't good with it. But I coult came some after several hunts. Thosedays, it was a very good sport of mine that I was keenly interested in.


Two exams a day, in four consecutive days it was over. Same day many of them left for home. Kiran too left the same day. That evening after the dinner, I saw a group gathered infront of the hostel.

There had been a senior brother Keshav's mom telling stories and every one was dead silent hearing her. Later, she told us the ghost stories that created more thrills and a sort of horror among us.She told three stories to us that eve. One was the very known story about two boys, a king and a queen.

And this is how it started. In a kingdom, there were once a very generous king who had a very beautiful queen and two lovely sons. They were very happy with each other. One day the queen from the balcony sees the female sparrow fallen dead on the ground from the nearby tree. Later the next day see again notices that the two younger sparrows also kicked from the nest and the male sparrow living with the new female sparrow.

This hurts the queen, and she starts to think if the same was to happen with her and her kids. Slowly, these thoughts weaken the queen and she becomes sick. One day she dies.

In sometime the king remarries. His younger wife dislikes the spet sons. Oneday, when king goes for hunting, the queen makes her look as beaten by her stepsons. Back from the hunting, she immediately tells the king all her story.

The king sentences the sons for the jungle life. The kids are left in the jungle where they struggle to live. Once while in search for the food they disperse. Unfortunately, they fail to get together.
For years they go in search of one another. Afters several years one of them come to a kingdom and starts to work as a rider of the chariot. He would ride it so good that he becomes the best in the kingdom. The king of that kingdom asks him to ride for him.

One day while on the ride, he sings the song of his childhood. The song stuns the king. From the song he realises that the driver is his own brother. The brothers share their love and joy. Both tell their story.

Finally both work together for their kingdom and both succeed. They both become the kings of two different kingdoms. And this ends the first story.

The second story was also about brothers. When one of them, the elders one goes to a different country for a work. He leaves home in the early years of his age.

Several years later coming back to home... walking down through several hills, along several riversides for many many days he comes to his place before the sunset. Overjoyed seeing his place he doesn't find mauch changes. He looks on the hillside where he used to graze his cattle. He sees the cattle there. He rushes to the place. There he finds a young man looking after the cattle. Talking to each other and find that they are the brothers. They embrace to each other, overjoyed seeing each other, the brothers tell his stories how much he had missed his and the mother. He gives the present that he had brought him from far country. The younger one realises his brother's thirst and hunger and takes the "Bitten rice" from a cloth piece to eat. He happily takes it and keeps it in his pocket before he rushes to see his mother.

Excited to see his mother forgets his hunger. Once reached home astronises his mother. Mother, in regret burst into tears telling him the story that his brother died sometime after he had left the place. He had wished to see him once before he died.

Shocked with the story he tells his mother of seeing his brother the same day, some moments ago. Then he get's the thing to show what his brother had given to him. As he opens, to his shock, he doen't find the bitten rice anymore... he just finds the pieces of bones.
When this story ended, everyone had fears in their eyes, I took a long breath before she again came with the next story.

Next was about the night truck driver's story, those who sometime come across the illusion in the highways by the lady ghost. It was short story. A driver and his man drive a truck with timbers along the highway. While talking her to her home, the driver gets killed, the next man, who sees all these, escapes hiding in the wood.

That eve was greatly facinated by beuatiful stories. Next day, after the breakfast, I was with some other friend for the football. It was sunny day only few of us ... we were sweating with the heat. Finally there was the call for me.

Hurriedly I went, the Baral Uncle told me my mother had come to take me. As it had almost been the time for the lunch, he asked me not to hurry instead asked to go for the lunch before I left.

As his advice, I rushed to the dining. I was overjoyed and excited. No, I couldn't do it. I even couldn't take few lumps of rice. I gave up, took the plate and walked to the tap.

As I hurriedly rushed to the gate, there had been my mother waiting patiencely for me. She gently looked at me carefully and smiled at me. I was so excited I didn't tell her anything... I knew I had a lot more to tell when I would once be at home.

Yes it was a month, vacation with beautiful days. The time for chestnuts, sometime with my sisters or sometimes with friends, we often went for it in the forest, we would easliy make some before we return back home. And also the great time in the festivals. The time fleeted day after day unless I again realised I was to be back to school again.

Just as everytime, my feeling torn and sadness within myself I accepted being back to the school. I knew how much it hurted me leaving the home and also that how much I was offended with the school and the way of living in the place. But still I kept it all with my self because there was no way other. The only was that was before me was to accept it.

The new achievement for this time was that the school was connected with the regular power trarsmission lines. New poles were burried and every building had the supply.
A month later, a new science teacher was introduced to us. "Kaji sir" we called him. During his stay for about seven years he had the strong motives and took over control of almost over everything.

His arrival, brougth some of the chages in the school perfomances. New lavatory (though not so proper yet) was made. A water tank and few bukets were kept closer to the new lavatory with soaps for the use.

And something more than this he imposed and implemented the stricter rules over manythings. That was what I was greatly offended with.

Winterdays were some sad and gloomy. The fog covered everything almost every morning. It looked dark and distant objects were invisible. Sometime it seemed like it rained. Because of no often rain in winter, the dry land would slowly turned into gray, the grasses dried and the trees started loosing their leaves. After all, hills and valley too looked gray and the air filled with mist. . These little things had so much affects to the life.

Usually sometime before the midday, the sun would finally succeed to pierce through the dense fog and light the ground. The warm sun of those days had it’s own significance, every one loved to see it. It would be a beautiful day to come out and spent some time for the wamth.

About three weeks later, the following Saturday father came to see me in the school. Since the winter was growing and the fog everyday it was getting denser every morning. That day due to very intense fog it the day seemed cloudy and there was no sign of any sunshine for the day.
For the winter I hadn't got warm clothes, it was the school sweater and the blazer coat for the school time. I just had a blue tracksuit that was all. I din't know how did he realise. I was surprised, he brought me a thick red jacket. That was a good favour for me.

It was soon, from the second week of December our final exam was to begin. Though not still very serious but we were a bit more curious than the other time because to upgrade we had to pass the exam at any cost.

One evening, we weren’t even known earlier, the students of the class seven standard from our central Police School came to visit us. They were in the excursion to the different valleys across the country. They decided to come to ours to see as they passed the highway getting back to their school.

Thosedays there were seven schools with the same name across the country at least one in each region in all the five regions. In the capital was the central school that governed all the school in many cases. This was only the school in the whole nation that had it’s branches spread nationwide.

That evening, it was decided that they were to take our room, the hostel room of the second standard, which was of ours. That night we slept with our junior brothers. Two people in each of their bed.

Kiran and me, we shared the bed with Kiran’s friend Mithun and his friend.
Early, next morning, after the breakfast, they asked for a football match with the best team that could be made out of the school. The matched started and our team did the best with all that they could but there was no way as they proved smarter and vigorous than us. After all, they were pretty much senior than us.

After the match, the teachers decided for an interraction with them. So, instead of the regular class we came out infront of the school building. We sat on the semicircle facing the east… where as opposite to us there were the teachers and for the sanga brothers.The sun was was breaking through the crowd and it was a warm and beautiful beginning of the day. And we kept patience waiting them until they arrived.They took their seats and introduced each of them to us. After then they decided to perform something for us. Some told jokes to make us laugh, some with short stories, some with poems and a guy sang and english song. “Temple of the King”. Every one was so impressed with it, the teachers asked the guy to sing it again to make a record of it.
Some of our senoir brothers accompained them. This made the sanga brothers feel closer to us. Before the show ended, thanks giving for our patcicipation, they gave sweets to each of us. It was great of them.

After the lunch in the noon they left. Later that day when we were back into our hostel room many of us discovered, they had torn our blanket, and take off so much of the cotton from it. It seemed as they played with it. We were quite upset with it though we didn’t make comment to the teachers.

Now it was only about two weeks for the final exam, The small wound I had in my elbow, which I had thought would recover, instead got infected. It had swollen and it gave a severe pain when I tried to open my arms. More than me, I was surprised when Kiran took more care about it. He adviced me, to clean up my wound with hot water from the dinning. Then he once took me to the ground… he searched for some type of plant, it wasn’t easy getting it though. Later we got it and then he broke it’s stem… white black liruid came out from the stem, then he pasted it around my wound. I was so proud of him for that he cared me so much. We did for a couple of days, though initial it seemed as it brought some changes but within few days we realised it was more infected and I wasn’t even able to move.

Then there was no other option, I had to see the assitant. It was then there was the big bandage around the elbow of my arm. Every morning and evening Kiran would help me stretch my arm. He often reminded it for me, that I still feel great of him. Slowly the wound heal and I got better enough at least for my final exams.

As, exams grew very close, time was counted in days not in week any more. After our meal, in the evening, our captain Krishna, he would come with a book and a pastic pipe (waterpipe). Then he would ask us questions one by one. If we couldn’t make it he would ask stike hard the pipe on our palm. We would accept him for all that he did. As for him, I was sure he wasn’t known to many things in the book if he didn’t look it because he wasn’t that smart with the studies. But things didn’t turn favourable to him. In almost a year time I too learnt so much of the things about him. I felt so lucky to myself, I was never his target in any of his matters. Learning the story, it is astronising when I tell the things. He was all in the power as a captain and also of his size and strength. Though, it was never I saw anything with my eyes, but I knew the truth that existed in the shallow of fear betwwen all of us. There were few of the older friends who he had metally abducted for many reasons. One of them, the most suffered was a friend whom he had made to work for him accordingly. It was not only that he took the money, nice cloths and other stuff that he had but sometime he would ask to get more money for him from the others. Later it was discovered he had a huge some to pay the debt. Something more than this he had so many times treated the boy so brutally, by putting water into his nostrils and ears when he was asleep. This damaged him ears and nostril for so many years through all the schooling and had to have the regular treatment for it. This wasn’t all that was done that was the extent of his cruelty. There were few other issues perhaps that always remained veiled, there were some pretty faced boys who sometime had to crooked desires in the night.

These things existed but everyone feared to talk against him. But surprising one evening, everything came out and all of the sudden his fortune turned around. The teachers discovered his dark secrets.

There were two things I never got the answer. It was never known how the things got into teachers and next was… to what extent had the teachers known the truth.

But there was something that astornised me. It was only just two or three days, earlier I had talked to a senoir brother, Padam Hirachan about all his dark realities, promising him not to tell it to anybody. Though I did make a little suspect on him but I didn’t dare to ask him about the matter. So, the secrets did always remain beneath the past. But who ever did so, it was great of him… for many of those, who had greatly suffered from the real monster.

The following night when he was veiled off his reality, he was taken to the office. We were all asleep, but his arrival at the late night, made us awake. He was tried up in his bed the whole night until the next morning. From the next day, he has taken off from the captain.

When these things came, I was almost sure for that he would be leaving the school, but things didn’t turn my way. Even after the final he was still there as our classmate for a year more. But for him everything had changed, he could never again gather the strengh to be for what he was or that he had been. He was a snake with the poison completely drained out of it.

With time we had the final exams.
Exams started…. It was the third day, the following afternoon sometime before our exam… we were informed about the visit of the Niranjan Thapa, Home Minister of the time. It became ever the greatest visit of all time for the school.

Instead of studies for the exams… we were all called in the line… and were asked to sit on both the sides of the road with few branches of flowers… When he arrived, everyone hurried up to receive him especially principal of the school, the campcommandent and all the teachers rushed to the main gate. As he came out of his car… every one circled him… where as we the students, we were all at our places in the long line staring at him. He passed by … and took the flowers fromsome of us that were at the beginning but for the rest it wasn’t to any use… From the place he went to see the hostel… and after sometime they returned we were at our place waiting for him… When he was gone … we broke up the line and again got our books to see few lines … if we could still remember them for the exam that was to take place in some time. With the few branches of the flowers, I just threw them at the corner but I wasn’t desperate for that it wasn’t taken

Soon the exam was over. We were all happy for the exam had ended. We need not go class anymore instead we could play all the day along this was a beautiful thing for us. After the exam, for about ten days we had to stay in the school to wait our results. It was not only the reason, for which we were to stay. The school was supposed to celebrate the king’s birthday for 3 days and on the second day there was supposed to be a big cultural program which included dances singings and drammas.

It had just been a couple of days our exam had been over. On afternoon after our lunch the school decided to take us for a drive… We were always happy getting out from the school. Everyone was neatly dressed with the best they had. Then in the schoolbus we left for the place.
This time we were heading for the lake that lied almost on the halfway to the hometown. From the halfway we had to turn to a different route and drive about two miles to the east.
It took about half an hour to reach the place. We had stopped at the small bus station there, only few buses there.

From that place, our captian asked us to be in line. As we walked about ten minutes from the place we could see the dam of the lake. It seemed as it had been recently built. There was a road to pass across to the next side. In all there were only two outlets for the water. It was a clean and beautiful lake that was surrounded by small hills all around.

From the school tea and breads had been carried away along with us in the same bus. We were busy looking about half an hour around it before we all sat for the tea. It was different excitement and happiness having it here, somewhere outside of the school. It was indeed a perfect day, I thought. But soon we were back to the school.

Still, there was more than a week for the main event for the program. It was out of our expectations, the school decided to take take our class for the picnic for a day. The place was to our own junior school, in the valley, the hometown.

After our breakfast, in a pair of our school uniform we left for the place in our school bus. It was foggy morning as usual so, we were all with warm cloths… I was with the blazer that was keeping me so warm against the cold.

When we reached the school. We could only wonder around the place, there was an open space on the north of the two-storey school building, which comprised of two classrooms, two hostel rooms and a dinning room. But we were not allowed to leave the place.
Suddenly a friend of mine came and told me that somebody had come to see me. I was stunned… and excited. Then I rushed to the main gate, the entrance, I saw it was my eldest sister with a bag in her hand full with biscuits, sweets and nuts. She was too quick to notice the schoolbus as we passed infornt of the shop.

I was extremly happy to see her, she told me all her story how she got it. I was very thankful to her. We didn’t talk much for that long before she decided to leave. All she brought for me had been enough to fill my pockets. It was no longer again, I was surprised, two of my others sisters too came to see me. They hadn’t brought any thing for me though, but I was really pleased to see them. After sometime of the talk, they left.

There was nothing to do and the meal wasn’t ready so, it was decided that we were going for a walk. We walked to the north, it was the way that went to my home… as I paced, every step would remind me of my own feelings… of the place… it would make me feel like I walking through my own land but with chains. Perhaps it was because we weren’t allowed to break the lines that we had walked in.

The nearer we grew, my emotioned hurled, I had extreme happiness being there seeing the place but again a flushed and rage would rush through my face and through my veins when I realised where and how I exactly was. My eyes reached through every corner and all the way around to capture all the possible glimpses of the place to dream of it in my bed for the night in the hostel and for the remaining days to come. But the way we walked didn’t go all the way. It was only till the halfway, where we stayed for sometime before we decided to return back.
It was almost after the midday we came back from the walk. Most of my mates were hungry … though I wasn’t that much… because of so many things I had with me, that my sisters had brought me. I had finished most of it … sharing a little with my friends.

The meal in the after noon was heavy, rice, vegitable and the mutton curry it was tremendous. After the meal was over, we gathered in a group in the same place for singing and dancing. Additional sterio was there to make it more fascinating. The wife of the school’s camp commandent accompained us for this.

It lasted for till the late evening… and we were worried when the school bus delayed in coming to take us. It was already dark when it arrived. When we were about to leave, the driver told the bus didn’t have the lights. For sometime … the teachers and other authorites had the talk before they decided a police van to be taken for the guidance.

Though most of my friends took the place in the bus I decided and rushed to be in the van. It was because, it was new and had lights. Sometimes to make a way in a different way does matter. So, it was nice journey back to the school, sort of luxury and quite. The bus followed the van all through the way.

When we returned we realised not all had been back. We were surprised, our mate Ashish grg, the most funny guy in our class he hadn’t come with us… not in the van, nor in the school bus. He slept at the place and came to school the next morning. He told us he had a special night there.

Days onwards everyone started getting prepared for the program for the kings birthday. There was nothing with me. I wasn’t to take part but still I was waiting for the final day to see dances and drammas. That would be beautiful.

I knew after the program, we would be allowed to go home. So, it was also a thing that was taking my mind and for which I kept waiting for. I kept patience and finally the day came.

On the main day of the king’s birthday, the school was decorated almost the same way as in the school’s day earlier that year. Stages and tents were made the same way and the show was also not of much difference.

On the following day the massive crowd had gathered, especially the parents to see their kid’s result of their exams and to take their kids for the winter vacation which was only of the two weeks.

The show was over but for me, no one had come. Though, not that day but my hopes were still… I was looking forward for the next day. Yes it came true… that after noon, almost after the lunch my mother and my little brother came to take me home. I was so glad, I caught home my brother in my hand and brought him to my hostel, then took him to the dining hall for he he was hungry and wanted some food. He told he didn’t. So, we walked back to our hostel, got my things that I had kept ready since many days and finally came back to the the mother who had been waiting for us.

We were set back home for the two weeks holiday. As for the result, I had passed the exam. I had the seventh poistion in the class, out of all the fourty two of my friends.

It had just been few days of my holidays. Father decided to take me to his village. He had some old houses there, he wanted to break them and bring the wood to the valley so, he would used them and sell the remaining.

One cold morning we started off from the place. We took the local bus from the way that took us twenty miles from the valley. It was about the midday, after so many twists and turns along the small roadway though it was one of the highways, but the way hadn’t been over yet. We had to walk down the hill for few hours through the rough roads and small passages before we would come down to a small market place… where the houses numbered only in few hundreds. Two adjacent sides of the place had the rivers that had the insection and they flew as one.

Yes, I followed my father, sometimes talked to him as I followed him all the way. Few hours walking down we reached it. With him I visited the houses of his relaitive and other people whom he had known. He was very well known to the people there, because, it was his place. It was so good everybody like to talk to me… well, they would say he had grown up the big boy. Then my father would flatter about me … and tell them how good I was in the school (though I wasn’t that good with all that he told). Then he would ask me to tell the names of all the kings of the latest history. With delights and happiness to show a little knowledge that I had I would turn my face to them to tell all the names one by one. In a grace, when I finished it… they would buy me sweets.

For, me I was nervous because they were all the strangers. Though it was the place I was born and had lived two early years of my life were out of my memories… so, in way I could figure any of them.

We went on visiting on different places… many places we were offered tea and some places I was offered sweets and biscuits which I was greatly impressed.
That evening we stayed up in a small at a small Thakali place. Father told... it was the best place with the good food that he ever knew.

It wasn’t such a big places so there weren’t any concrete houses at all, the old thakali woman was only the one in the whole house. She was already very old. Her wrinkles and white hairs made her seem as if she should have been in the mid-seventies.
It was strange for me when I learnt her sons had moved to the cities and they lived there. But still she didn’t go with them. Instead she kept on with the business. It was the small place where people would come for tea and meals. They could also get a room to sleep for a night or two.
That evening, we had the meal. With rice and the vegetable we had the fish, the soup made from the dried ones caught on the river. Then after the meal, the lady took us over a small wooden ladder on the upper and showed a room for us… it was a small room with only one bed, close to the small window…

I was surprised the place had been facilitated with the electricity from the small local hydroelectric generator situated about half a mile from the place. But the supply was only for few hours in the evening. The light bulb didn’t light too well because perhaps the density should have been higher than that it could support. But still it was much I should say.

I was tried of the day, I didn’t wait longer to go to bed. That night I didn’t know when I got into sleep. But next morning it was still dark when I was awake. Perhaps because of the new place… it could have also been the reason why I was awake so early.

The howling of the fox was also something that was making me feel strange about the place. Though still dark outside, warm inside my bed and with my eyes open I was listening to them. I felt so interesting when one of them made a loud cry ...then in some time the other responded and it went on and an and on.

Listening to them and thinking about so many things and also about the place and the strange people thoughts it rolled in the mind… and I didn’t know when I went to sleep again.
When I woke up it was already light… sun was high up in the sky. When I looked beside me, I didn’t find my father who was sleeping next to me.

I came down and asked to the lady about my father. She told he had gone for his job and s didn’t know when he would be back again. But she told he had asked her to give me the tea and the lunch when I felt hungry.

It was already late when I had woke up so, I was already feeling hungry. The old lady gave me rice lentils and the curry. She had made it fine. I talked to her for sometime and then stayed up in the room. As I had nothing to do later she told me I could go out to the river for the swim.
It wasn’t the bad idea I thought. When I talked to her about it. She handed me a bowl a towel and soap and showed me the way to go. I did do the way she had told me. When I reached the river, there was still something I had to sort out, the river was big and I had to find the right place so that it wouldn’t make any accident.

There was a large wooden bridge on the river, with two great metal pillars on each of the sides to support the bridge. It was only for the local to walk over everyday. It wasn’t meant for other than this. As I came closer to this… I took a way to the bank of the river and sorted out a small place for myself. The river had the stronger current in the middle, which showed its fiercousness or how angry it looked. The place I had sorted was completely free from it. It was tiny little place in between the big stones. There had been no people around me and I was just a little kid. I took off every thing and stark naked walked into the river.

The water was so clear. I could see small fishes moving around. Many times I look around at them and tried to hold them in my hands. I wasn’t good at all. Non of it came into my hand. They would disperse as I moved my tiny hands towards them.

Alone… I was having fun in stange place. With these things it was making me forget about the strrange place and the people. I had happy engrossed with it but then I felt missing… my feeling aroused and I felt necessary to learn if my father had come back.

When I came back, I asked her if he had been back. Yes he had been but he was again gone and she did know where.

I stayed up in the room for sometime… it didn’t work out… then again I went in search for him through all the market place… still I couldn’d find him. Then finally the late afternoon to get through my time I went to the river… This time, I climb over the bridged and walked up along the shore. I looked at the roiver how forcibly it went over the huge rocks that were laid over it’s way. The rocks not letting the water to get on the way, instead tore apart to resemble it’s strength in it’s own way. But still the flowing river wasn’t giving up it’s hope. Perhaps it thought someday it would overthrow the stone or turn it apart.

As I was walking down the way… I saw a bunch of boys coming down the way. They seemed as they had come for fishing. As they grew closer I kept looking at them. They went over rocks and looked out for the traps they had placed realier. A tall boy was leading all the group. I then came closer to them and watched for all they did. Non of them did try to talk me ... I too couldn’t make effort talking to them though I still was willing to talk if they had led the beginning.
Well, they passed away… I kept looking at them for sometime before I too headed my way, opposite to the way they were gone. After sometime … I realised I had come too far… and the sun was also trying to get down.

After then I returned to the place. Later in the evening father came back I was so desperate to see him. I didn’t talk to him much though before we had the meal and went for the sleep.
Next day, it happened the same. Father was already gone when I was awake. That day I just wondered through the shops around the place to find him. I wondered through all of it … which made me feel like it wasn’t a new place any more. It was because I knew most of the little shop and also almost the every small passage.

Later in the late afternoon, I found father while he was retuning back. When I told him I was hungry and tired. He bought me a biscuit and offered me the tea. Ahead of it he told we were leaving the place that evening.

The sun was about to set when we came to the dusty main road. We waited for the bus that would take us to “Juegley” to the north. We waited for long but it didn’t seem any would come that way. Then we walked to the police station, which was only few hundred meters away to the south…

When we reached there, we learnt the last bus had broken down so it wasn’t sure if it would come the way. We stayed there, looking for something that would take us to the place. It was almost dark when a truck came and decided to take us.

In sometime it got dark… the road wasn’t so good, stones and dumps, the truck wasn’t so fast. Moreover it was heavely loaded with about ten tons of rice bags which were about hundred in total.

We were taking the steady route and I was hopeful we could come out through. But almost about in the halfway… after getting down to cross the little stream and while climbing back again, the fully loaded truck couldn’t make out over the turn… it was drawn back to the stream edge.

Second time it tried… everyone was hopeful for this time… but it didn’t work. Then we all can off … only with the driver in the truck. I was starting to worry if we were to get stuck through out the night. Then again the driver made the next attempt. Astronisingly, he made it this time. I didn’t know how he did it.

It was few hours drive before we came to the place. We could see small houses, small shops and hotel not yet closed. The dim bulbs that lighted were so dim as meant only to see what was around.

I was hungry and exhausted. First, we went to see his friends and talked to them. Looking at me they told how big I had grown. They they would ask me if I remembered then. Desperately I turned to them and nodded my head to say that I didn’t know them.

After some time, we sorted out a basic and the cheapest hotel for us. After the meal, we were tired… straight away we went to bed.

Next morning, it was my father who woke me. It was still very dark when he carried me out of hotel. I didn’t know anything. Then he carried me towards the river and go for the toilet. Everything was strange for me. After sometime we were done and then we came back to the place. We had the tea there and waited for the daybreak.

When it was bright, he told me he had ta work and he would be around the place and asked me not to go far away. The place where he was supposed to be was the place where all the heavyly loaded vehicle like buses and trucks that came to the place were kept … It was a sort of a station.

For me, there was nothing to do… now my feelings were getting worse. Father usually would leave me alone and in the strange places it had been difficult to get through my time. After he left me I was just walking to and forth along the way. He seemed to talk to different drivers of trucks and buses. And it seemed no one who would come to an agreement. Many times I tried to follow my father but suddenly he would disappear leaving me alone. I was tried of it so in an anguish I left him and walked away, climbed about fifty meters on thde little hill on one side of the main road from where I could see the houses of that little shops and the little hotels. I was so upset and desperate to go back home, it was only the thing I was looking forward for.

I stayed there alone watching houses and the people moving around. It seemed the best place, which would help me spent my time. Aside of me, there were few goats grazing even in the dry grasses. Sometime I would turn my face to look at them… I was delighted seeing these little innocent creatures, beautiful but so ignorant.

Later sometime before the noon, I was some how tired and exhausted and hungry so, I had to come down. It didn’t take long before I figured my father. I told him I was so hungry. Instead he told me… we are to leave we will have meal in the same old woman’s place. We are going soon, he told.

I was extremely happy hearing that we were leaving soon. He was making some arragement with a truck driver he was Indian driver from Punjab, other two of his friends were also from the same place, they had turban over their head and had long beard and mustache that had made them very distinctive.

After the things setted between them, father and the driver, we moved out from the place. My excitation and happiness party filled my hunger. It gave me the strength for the tolorance. The driver seemed very good with his skills. He could twist and turn his truck so smoothly through the humps and bumps. With no load we were also moving faster so it was something more than an hour when he reached the same place.

After then he called on people to load on the wooden logs from the broken houses and for us we went for the lunch in the same old woman’s place.

When we came back it wasn’t over yet. I stayed inside the truck and waited until it was over. It took about an hour perhaps, then we headed up back to our place…. The dusty road then the main road and back to the valley. The punjabies… they sang all through the way they made different jokes and about four in the evening we were back in the valley.

The wooden logs were dropped into a Woodden Mill and late in the evening we were back to home. It gave a great relief for me.


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