Part X

27th June 1997, as I opened my eyes, from my little window, I could see the light piercing through the dark for the daylight. I gently got up from my bed... and swiftly opened the door not to disturb my brother who was sleeping in the same room...As I came out, It was already trying to get the light, but was still dark to see things.. Then I went for some washings, got my self ready for the journey for my new higher secondary school.. Everything had already been prepared for my way the very last night so, just the thing needed was to make a go. A new school, that would be exciting I thought. Just then my mother came with a glass of tea . Then I told her "Ama, it's going to be a very good start for the day." She heard me but she didn't care it much. She had always been very good to me … a perfect mother. Perhaps it was only me that had remained always at a distance than any other of my sisters or my brother. Just before I left, she once appeared before me.

" If you have any problems then just let us know. If you want things or you be in need of money. Be sure to make a call for us. We will do it for you. You never need to worry about it. But remember always take care of your self."
" I will do it, Ama" I talked to her, looked her face for once before I started off my way."
Just then, my little friend Thundu, wagging it's tail came rushing to me. He was a tiny little dog. Perhaps he sensed what is to happen. I got him on my hands caressed for some moments and then held it back to my brother before I decided to the move.
We got to the place, from where the bus was supposed to take me... My brother helped me to carry my luggage, a bed rolled and tied with a sort of e nylon rope and I had suitcase... with very few stuff necessary for the living in the hostel.. I had not had got much stuff to it. So, it was not heavy. But making all the things together, It could have been almost the one third of my weight.
In a short while, the bus came and I went it to in. then waved a short bye to my brother and father before it moved from the place.

After about an hour in the valley, we started heading for Kathmandu. It was small mini-bus, I was taking the first seat, next to the driver. It ought to be a nice journey, with new excitements... I thought. But yet it was not the first time I was making it.The last time, it was just a month back, for the registration in a school. It had a dazzling time for me making out the way by myself to fight by my own for my way, for my life. It was quite alot challenges for me. I will definitely tell you know later. We were on our way now. My place, my little hometown, we were again moving away from it. Since the day, I was put into the boarding school I had always felt the little town so adorable. I loved it because I have never got time to live it through the length all the lengths of my desires .For years and years I had my eyes filled with tears living this place ...especially those every moments when I had to leave for my boarding school.

The fast pacing motions of trees, small huts and little town and villages, along the side of river… I liked it but didn't put me to any interest. After all this long, I had always loved my place, my home my little town where my childhood had so swiftly passed away. I still remember, Before I was put into the boarding school, I had gone to a school in our own town. They were the prior days of my school that only lasted for 4 years. Everyday after the school, I still remember my mother always waited me with a sort of bread and tea. There were only few small houses around in our place, since the time we had moved from our village -there were only about seven or eight. So, I didn't have many friends to play with. The friends all I had were my sisters and my friend... whom I played with, became happy and sometime had big fights. I really crushed me when I felt missing them… all those cherish memories so beautiful and true. I know they are never to come again but I can never forget them.

Holding back all the memories I feel the perfect bliss of my childhood that wrecked since the first day I was put into the Hostel. Thing all changed for me, which ultimately changed the horizons of my life forever. The wondering freedom in my mind entangled in big brutal devilish chains. Never I succeeded to free me myself again. A day, then a week, months, years and now a decade... it has now been my nature the way I see through my eyes. What it misery or a true heaven? And after again I was getting on for the next two years.

Certainly there was life... and a good future perhaps. When we escort our happiness, a surges of love for only conceiving of a good life for better money and a good life in the future... We really miss the present with sort of all those nasty elegent dreams of future. It was a very hot day. Just above me, the sun rose so bright, I had my head burnt with heat. It was about three when we entered in the city. Yet it was not over. There was the next bus I had to take to get to Sanga, where my new higher secondary school was. The bus stopped in the heart of the valley, as I came off, I went straight to general post office. It was quite close from that place. I posted the letter to my friend, one of those old mates of mine. I frequently used to write her.

Then carrying up my luggage for the next seven hundred meters. I got to the bus stand. Then got into the bus. I had not taken much through the day. It was few sips of tea that my mother had made for me this morning before I left and the bread, my father had given me. I was tired, had feel thirsty and hungry. But I was excited about the new school. But the thing more important thing to me was to get to the place at soon as possible.

On the way, it started raining, I was taking the whole seat for my own...it was meant for three people.. I had luggage on the right beside me. The window of the bus, close to my seat had no glasses on it .So, I thought to move closer to it rather than getting all my luggage and stuff wet.
The valley, it was so crowded, but now we were out of it again. I could see terraces, hills and few houses. The field was covered with rice plants...they had grown quite high... It was monsoon ...so it should have been only about six weeks back when they should have planted them. All these greenery and the tiny little houses made of mud and raw bricks ... this style seemed usual for this place. Most of the houses were only a story or two... it looked beautiful rather than all those big building that I had come passed through out the giant city.

After about three-quarters of an hour, I knew, the place had come. Then bus stopped and I dropped out of it. The rain that had been so heavy had gone down...but still the ground was soaked with rain. It was wet everywhere. There were still few drops falling from the sky covered with very heavy black clouds. It was about five ... I guessed ... I was feeling totally exhausted But then I decided to move on will all that. I was so tired, but the excitement I had was only the thing that helped me to take my way. After about twenty minutes, I came to the gate of the new school. It was not the first time I was steeping into it. I had already been for three times before it. So, certainly it was the fourth. It was on the outskirts of the valley all over the small hill. ...It had all of it's building s facing towards west. Most of them were only two stories but very big and all made of bricks. There were several green bushes scattered in different parts and it looked like small forest. The high way passed several hundred of meters below it. And between them, lied the very green rice fields. The place looked wonderful.

When I entered, the guard called me from the Guard -house close to the main gate. A policeman in his uniform stayed there to guard the school gate. He looked like an old man… though he might have been only about thirty or thirty-five. The man in forces generally look old and thin except the officers… perhaps because of the very hard job. He checked all my things so thoroughly... Then he told me to see the hostel wardens for the further inspection. As I paced few steps ahead there were two people ...under the tree standing ...and waiting for the new comers.... They observed each and every new student that entered into the school. Checked every thing they had brought. One was a man with round and heavy face with a mustache that curled right up sight to his wrinkled cheeks. And next was a thin and pale looking man with and elongated face had a pointed cap on his head.. His eyes grave inside but looked young looked more like an athlete had severe look. Later on, the same day, I came to know that they were our hostel wardens (for class eleven).

As I looked around, there was an office, had windows with big glass screens, but a tent roof. The wall was completely coloured dark red . On the left was a temple like house with the open walls and with the concrete blocked raised about a meter...where the wooden model of the school was kept. It was not greatly. Opposite to it were, two iron poles, painted white. They were meant for the flags. Just below, in between the two poles, a raised and slightly elevated piece of concrete block was formed. On the surface of it lied the name of the school in very big letter...it's address and the year it was established... the year 1984. There was a road between the poles and the little house where the school models were kept. And it ran right to the door of the office. Three were different flowers that had been kept in a clay pot on both the ends of the road. They all looked like a very beautiful small garden.

There they observed my things, they told me that my suitcase would be not pretty small for all my things. I told I would get a bigger box if needed. But they didn't agree to me. They wanted it first even before I was let to enter into the school. So, I was quite puzzled for sometime. I was so tired of the day. And I had no one come with me. And nothing was coming into my mind for what I shall be doing. Just then I decided, I must go and see the principle. So, I asked them to see the principle for once. I was allowed and they told me the way that went to his little home. It passed through the corridor of the office. There were big trees all around, The road had a little curl where the large trees and big bushes had made it like a way in the deep forest. Then I climbed a little before I reached the door. I had no doubts it was his room. As it was only that had the main way coming to it.

Then I made knock on his door. Here he came and opened. He said . "Come in", He had the voice thin but deep. He was old looking man should be in seventies I thought. He had white hairs ...but was fat and had big belly ...as if he was in the last days for the pregnancy. His room, it was quite a normal room. The sofa laid on the right side of his room. When I looked around, I saw a very big case almost full with his books...they were very big in size.. A Big television and a Cupboard, painted brown lied on the left. Before I could even watch more of it… then he asked me. "What's the problem with you ?" but he didn't ask me to sit. Then I told him all. After sometime, he seemed to help me ...just did it the way I had thought. I felt glad about it. Then I talked about my father, as he had came for the payments for my admission and had talked to him for so long. That was what my father had told him .I had asked him only if had remembered because my father had been greatly impressed with him and had told me that he was a very good man. When the things came up my way then I thought...perhaps what my father had told me is right. I thought to myself.

He helped me coming with me to tell them. They only they permitted me to be in the school now. Even before it, I was asked to take thing like the school uniforms and books from the store. The two wardens also showed me the hostel. They pointed to the two stories building about five hundred meters to the east, which had a blue galvanized roof. At the beginning I was in sort of confusion and had believed a different building...later in the evening, I realized it was Girls' hostel. For god shake it would have been a big joke on me the first day if I had gone there with my luggage and stuff. I just laughed to myself but didn't tell anyone about it.

Just then I saw a friend from my school days. He was also arrived recently. I met him.shook our hands well. He, with his mum was there and they had their own cab they had got from the valley. He asked me to if he would take my luggage. I thought it was so kind of him. I felt so great for him. Then I left for the store, to get things that needed for we ...my school uniforms and books. I was told to climb up the little hill to the next get to the next building, steps there, there looked nice and good. They should been about two and half or about three meters in width. In front of every building brick were paved. So, as not to make it a grassland.

Then following others, I came to the store. It was in the middle of the room in the ground floor. The building was meant for the high school - classes from seventh to tenth grade. Right of the store was one of its classes. On the left was a staff room for the teachers. When I entered, it was middle sized room, but filled with all the clothing and books for students. There were three men working for it. One was a fat guy, looked rather fascinating; he was fat and had quite good look out of his face. But was not caring much to anyone. He was collecting all the new comers like me when came for the things and helped the next man to make the bills who was almost talking nothing. He keeping on writing what the other man said and finally added them before placing them to us ...And we were made to play. There was third who asked us what were the things we needed or that we wanted to take. He was a very short; about my shoulder...as I am just five feets and few little inches more. He had Topi on his head slighted to the right. He had a soft voice ...as thought it seemed very pretending to me. He was busy taking to other after a while he came to me and asked. "What shall I be offering you?"
"I don't know much of what I needed, " I told him in my soft voice.
"I would like to have first all that is very necessary" then I paused for some moments before I told him again "I will get the remaining in the day or two."
" It won't be a problem." he smiled gently. "But now please can you come and try here the things that matches you. Just find the right one for you."
Then I did the way he had said. Carrying all those things, I walked towards down when the two wardens were there. But they were no more there now. Then I turned left toward the hostel. On the way, below the road there was a big building, known as Multipurpose Hall, for performing various activities, meetings and programs. Just above of it, on the upper terrace there was the small building for the Police officer, The Commandant of the Camp. He was called so. Next to his building, there was a science lab still under construction. It was not fully made. A lawn tennis court and a basketball lied just after.

Waking ahead, I was a big football ground seemed to be situated on the base of the curved hill, People should have dug out it's mud to make it a big ground. There was a platform made on the left of it was small but quite enough for the chief guest and other authorities to say during any school functions. A road came down from up. It was through which the villagers also walked passed by. It was big enough for small trucks and vehicles. It also branched to our dining. Just twenty meters ahead of it...a way split into two. One - which went up, went towards the juniors and the girls' hostel where as the next that went down was towards ours. I swiftly moved. The road here was not so good. It was so muddy because of the big rain. In some times... passing through trees and a little hill on the left. I reached the base of the hostel. Then I again climbed up...it was so slippery.... Later they built the step from the base to the hostel, which became very good for us. Then, there would be no chances of falling and breaking our arms or legs.

As I grew nearer, I saw only a door for the entrance. It had a corridor that ran through the middle of the long building. There were rooms on both sides of it ...but no doors at all. There was a room on the left, which had about eight little latrines, which were often busy every morning. Had to wait for the turn at least behind one or two. Next to it was a bathroom with only a main door. It had four showers for us and was partitioned with the walls but not a door in any. Sometimes, it was really much when some guys came out stark naked. On the right was a big room for washing our selves and for laundry. Next to it was the stairs to the upper floor where the senior lived. After it had the rooms running, eight on each side. But it ended differently on the next end.

After the eighth room there was a big room which was nearly twice than the others. On the right of it there was again stairs to the upper floor. And next to it was and next outlet, door from which we could enter and leave the building. Finally ahead was a big room, which consisted of three mini rooms. They were for the wardens. Since there were two in the beginning, one of them lived in each of them. Next was a latrine. Only few lights were on in some rooms, others were dark. I could hear voices that echoed just like that when we enter into a new room. But there was loud music going on the upper floor. Later I found it was a rehearsal for the welcome program meant to be the next Friday for us.Then I started looking for my friend in the rooms in which that had lights. Finally I got it. There was my friend. He had taken a room somewhere in the middle of the building.

There were four iron beds. Perhaps you might know how they are managed. For the least space, beds are joined on the top of the next. Rochan kept my stuff on the upper bed. Thanks for him. He stayed beneath me. There was also the next guy, Krishna, (we later called him Tiger, cause of his large muscles) had already taken the place before us. He was also taking the lower one. He was on the lower bed of the next one.

At the corner we had metal rack. It had six compartment, two bigger ones on the top and the four smaller ones beneath them. Later we took one for each. I took a smaller one, lower to than of the bigger one. We often used to lock them when we went for long holidays. Then after sometime, I met the next mate of the high school, Santosh Grg. (Later became an army officer). I was not feeling so lonely getting two of my old mates already. Just after sometime they were all called out of the hostel. It was already getting dark. We all came out through the next door. The two wardens, whom I had seen earlier, they were staying behind. There was a big man, looking very smart was taking to the whole crowed. He had Topi, and round firm glasses. He had his both legs open and both of his hands tugged at his back. There were about twenty who had formed a mass to hear his speech. We went and mixed with them. There he told us.
"Well, welcome to all the new comers," he said it as it had made a very formal speech.
"You know, we have very strict rules and if you want to stay here you must follow. Else there is no other way, you will be sent back home. Smoking, drinking, escaping out to the village to trouble villagers, or making groups, it's strictly restricted. You will be charged very high for this. You learn all these things from your senior brothers. So, this is not what we expect from you. You have come to study, your parent have sent you for that so just keep doing your job for the next two years before you are again fee again." The officer completed his speech.
Then the thin pale looking warden, Kaman Singh, he came forward to added few more words.
"If you do any rubbish here you will be severely punished, we all Gurus will treat you for you work. So, better be careful before you even make any mistakes."
During my school days, as being the branch of this central school, we knew all that went around. He always heard a lot of stories about this place and people. "Gurus" was the word that took the brain of every student. Everyone, even the very senior brothers, were severely punished for any of the misdeeds. So, everyone was of very aware of them.


It almost, took half an hour before they ended their speech. Then we were brought into lines to for our dinner. I was with two of my old mates, As we walked by we talked about the things we did after we finished our high school.

When we reached the dining Hall. It was a very big hall. Had big windows and a big glass door in the entrance. About fifteen big tables were there, on the length of it, two long benches were kept on both of the sides. They had had fancy light. For as it was for the special purpose. The big picture of king and queen during their visit on 1886 was hung. The wall was painted Grey, a meter and half above the floor and white in the remaining part. But the walls had been marked with several lines and sketches this was boys work. That's what the hostel boys like to do.

As we entered, I could see a board hung on the wall about two and half meters high. There it had four columns where it was written what would be there for the breakfast, lunch, tiffin (it's an old English but still common in south Asia) and dinner. On the left there were few rooms for the store keeping, for all glossaries, a kitchen and a room for them to sleep. But there was a wall, a meter raised from the ground, so, there was no way to walk through, though later we jumped over it many times. There several piles of plates and next to it were two big drums and a big basin. The first one had rice in it. We had to get it onto our plates by our selves with the help of a small plate and next two it was lentils...it had a bowl and a stirrer. We had to get it with the help of a bowl. Then in third there was a small man, with a big face but a small mustache. He was very good at keeping guyslike us. He served curry from the basin. He had very effective measuring hands. They were like perfect balance. And he was so fast with it .he would let it go more to any one. I was surprised seeing the moments of his hand. I was feeling very hungry and tired. So, I ate quite a lot that evening.
"Beans weren't so bad this evening" later I told my friend. Usually I never preferred them. My mother often suggested me. "You have weak eye sight and if you don't take vegetables, you will lose all your sight soon. Come on, try to go for it boy. It will also make you healthy. I like them." She really did like them very much.
Perhaps due to monsoon, the water didn't look so clean. In few days I had problem with it. There were many who suffering from it. For me it was only for few days. After it, it was okay.
Later after the meal, I carried my plates, before that we had to clean our place, then took it to the place, at the back of the dining hall, where there were two young boys of my age washing dishes. They did it so fast, the moment I saw this ...I knew the plates would never be so clean.
On the way back to hostel, I kept thinking about the contrast this place to that of my previous school. There, things were clean and food was better. Washing was done in three different basins. So, everything there was more appropriate and well managed. But one thing that was so good here was. If we feel, we could add some more curry...not much just few ounces. But that was enough to help us to eat more when we were very hungry.
That evening I went to bed right after I got there. I didn't spend time taking to my friend, as I was so tired of the day. I was in need of rest .So; I unfolded by bed and laid in it after some time my friend turned of the light.
But there was big music on the upper floor. Perhaps it was the rehearsal that went till eleven that night. So, I couldn't get into sleep so easy.
For sometime, I kept things about the past, it all came covering, my mind...I started thinking of the very first days since of my childhood...from where the memory could be retained. Well, about my first school.... My happy days as a day scholar, then a long nine years in hostel ...and today I was again here. My mother ...my family...not much time I had shared with them together.
I didn't know when I got into sleep that night.

Next morning, when I opened my eyes I couldn't believe I was there. I had had an illusion in being in my own bed at home. That night I didn't have any dreams, perhaps because of the deep sleep. But it was so early, I was awake... it was still dark outside.... But I was sure it was the beginning of daybreak.

Then I went for washing. As I was coming back to my room. Kaman Singh, the warden, we called them Guru, blew his whistle. It was very long, I didn't like it at all. I was already so tired of hearing the whistle blow and horrible sound of electric bell for the last nine years. As I did hate it the most, I always got up before it, and went off for washing though I had failed sometimes. And again I had to do it for the next two years.
Then he came into each room and started waking up everyone.
As he entered into our room he told us, "There will be water only for an hour so, get up and do all your washing. After then you clean your room, make all your beds and covers. Get ready for your classes before seven. We will lead you to your dining."
There he had brooms in his hands; he gave one in each room. So, he too did it for us.
My friends were still in there bed ...they woke just for a while when he was there. Then again they let themselves fall after he was gone. But they didn't sleep. After sometime, they woke up and went for washing.

I cleaned our room. I did enjoyed though I hardly did it when I would be in home. Sometime, it took a week or sometimes a month, I was so lazy for this thing. But most of the days my mother did it for me ...thought I never wanted her to do it. I was feeling very strange.... It had made me feel completely different. I was excited of the day but more than this I was not happy to be there. I had feel enough will that I had for the nine years in the boys' school and I was not willing for it again. I had had great dreams taking my science courses from SOS School in my own home time. As I was certain to make my place there... and had a preparation since long for the exam since long. But I didn't succeed with my plans. Then it was my father, who asked who made me do all this. It was so tough, how the things went. My exams in the entrance there in SOS had not been bad, so was I called for an enter view. But ahead of it, there was no way to go. So, could sight no chances to study there. It had only been the place, where I had issued my form. The day when knew that no name had been published... then I was in confusions. The same evening I was told to go to Katmandu.as next day was the last day in this school, to issue any forms. I had to come through the night to the valley, which my mother would never agree. She told me to study in the Government College in my own town. Later my father with the help of the teacher of mine ...calling him on the phone made me to decide to go with his way.

That night, he got me a ticket for a night bus. That evening at seven the bus departed from the station. It was my first time I was travelling alone and in the night bus. So, was my mother so worried? I didn't know much about the valley. But I was lucky, The man sitting next to me told me with the necessary ways I had take to get to the place. He was there only through the half way. In the meantime, I took his address. . He too did it with mine.

The bus stopped, I didn't eat anything in the between. ...Though the bus stopped about an hour in the half way. I was not feeling to eat anything. People came out of it and went out for the meal. After an hour everybody came back. And the bus moved again. When I opened my eyes ...It was a very lonely place where the bus had stopped. I didn't know when I had got into sleep. It was so hot inside. I again tried to sleep but I couldn't. The sweat had completely wet my back. So, with my small bag I came out of the bus. It was very dark. Black clouds in the sky. There were few huts there. A couple of few teashops there, with very few people. Most of them were in the bus sleeping. I could see few people taking and drinking tea in those small huts. I could only see a small fireplace for cooking, and a kerosene lamp ... it was all that gave light on the pitch-dark night. There were also few others behind and ahead of it. I didn't go anywhere; I just stayed close to it. Just waiting to leave off again. Then asked when are we leaving. He told, "About four.." then he went away. When I looked at my watch .It was just about ten minutes after there. There was yet a long time to wait.

When we reached the valley it was already dawn.... But still was dark. I was surprised to see it was raining outside. I didn't know when I had fallen to sleep again. I woke up only after the staff asked us to do it.so that we could get out of it in the right place. After about half an hour of getting into the city. We came into the main bus station that lied in the west part of the valley. When the bus stopped, I got out. I walked as I was in half sleep. It was raining. Then I heard somebody call. He was my schoolmate .he had come in the next bus. First I would see who he was because I had no glasses and had the very poor eyesight. It was only his voice that made me know who he was. It was just for some moments we talked before we took our way.

I asked the man there, where I could get bus to the main city. If I could get to the place then it would be easy for me to find a next bus that would take me to Sanga, where the school was situated. It was the information I had got from the man who sat next to me on the bus last night. As for me I was not known to anything about it.

From there I took a bus, later I found it was not the very right bus, because it took the longest route to go to the center of the city. It took more than an hour when I knew I have come to the right place. I was confusion, partly I was frustrated, and I was not sure how the things would be doing.

From one of my friend I had known, today it was the last days for the submission of the form. Yet I had not even got it. As I came down from the bus. I looked for a photo studio to develop few pictures, for the forms. Looking for it I went through several small streets, finally I found a small one, with a woman worker. At about 10 it was done. Then I went back again to take the bus that would leave to sanga. On the way back, before I left, I met one of my schoolmates; he was with his brother. He too had come for the same purpose. After a short while we took up our way.

There had been so many thoughts going on in my mind. I was unsure about anything. What was likely to come to me ...it was yet to see. I would never mind trying for anything, but if it fails this time, then would be really be much for my family too. Desperation for them, it would definitely give me no more hopes to proceed any moves further again.

Though there had been some probabilities for the sun after all that rain. But the clouds came up and covered the whole sky. It was about noon when I reached there. As I had already been once before, during the excursion from our school it was not very difficult to find it. In a short while, I reached the place and it took no time for me to register myself for the entrance exam. They told me that there would be the test on the next day. On the way back from there, I thought whether I should stay there for a day or return back to the valley again. The place there looked liked a very small village, I guessed it would be difficult to get the get a room for me. More than this...

I still had about twenty-four hours and I had to spent it, every of it's second like a day that would be very tough for me. Perhaps, you know times becomes so short, that would never believe how fast it elapsed, but sometimes when you are made to get rid of it or ...if you are made to wait for something than an hour will count like a day.Then, finally I decided to go back to the capital. Before I decided to set off from there, I made call to my family. It was my father to receive the call. He told me, mother had been so worried about me she couldn't sleep the whole night. I was desperate to hear it. But didn't feel to tell anything.

It was about two, the time I left that place. I was feeling thirsty, and hungry. I had forgotten I had not eaten much for the last eighteen hours. But before it I decide to sort out a room for me. I got back to the same place from where I had taken the bus to Sanga. I felt, it would be easier to get the way from the same place tomorrow again so, in about a quarter of an hour I got a place where they gave me a room with a single bed. Then I went for food. I just took noodles. I could hardly finish then. All the wonders and amusements coming out in my way had taken allmy mind. So, had been the reason why I was not thinking much of other things.

Yet there was a day left and nothing to do. I was feeling lonely in that valley. I knew nobody nor anyone knew me. There was no one who would help me if something went wrong with me. All I saw were stranger, and I could be easily deceived. So, I always thought to be conscious in every moment and with the every paces I moved. Meanwhile I thought, "what shall I be doing then?" To watch people in the street and to let the clock tik through every second. That would be so horrible. Instead I stayed up in my room and wrote a letter to one of my friend, whom I often used to write.


Just after it was over. I took it for the post. When I reached to the post office - in about fifteen minutes, people working there were about to leave. The needle of the clock on the wall of the post office was getting though it's last minutes... I was lucky; I could get stamps for my letter.
Right after having dropped my letter for a friend whom I would tell everything, I went to my room, stayed there just thinking about all the things... Things often don't happen the way we conceive and sometimes those things become the reality about what we might never have even thought of it.

When I came out of my room it was already dark. After sometime, I had my food and then went into my bed. Because of not having the regular sleep the last night, and also of the day's work I was so tired. So, I was soon asleep. Next morning I woke up about seven in the morning, the noise of the people living next door woke me up. I packed up my things, had a tea, paid my bill and left for the school. I took the bus from the same place; it didn't have many people. As we were about to leave from the bus stand, a guy came from behind and sat next to me.
Just then he asked me " Where are you heading for?"... "Sanga."
"How did you know it?" I asked with a surprise.
"I too am for the same place." he told in a very innocent voice.
He was tall of the average size, dark brown. His voice was low and gentle. Then we started talking about our things. Taking to him I felt like I got a friend out of all those strangers. I had felt so lonely and sad for the last two days since I had left home. So, I felt so delighted when I talked to him. Then I kept talking to him more than that he did. He listened to all that I talked to him. I was so happy, I willed to pay the fair for the bus for both. After we got off at Sanga. We walked to the school. We were there at about eight, that morning. They told the exam would start at ten. So, still there was two hours to go... so, we went for a walk. There was the highway that ran closer to the school. So, we both decided to walk up some distance. And during this time, I think I told him most of the things of my life. He kept hearing them. But it was not much he told me.

He had good marks then that I had got. So, I told him he had more possibilities for success. He told me ...he would never miss the chance, if he would make it here.
I was so happy getting a friend.... and him. I felt it perfect... Then I told him.
"Well, Sagar it would be better not to keep us hungry ...the moments we have exams."
Then we decided to get in something. We found a small place where they decided to make two big bowls of Noodles. There was an old woman with her little shop. Soon she came with bowls of hot soup. It was great. After our soup, I paid for both and we thanked the old woman there.
When we got back about half an hour before the exam. I was surprised to see so many of my friends there. There were fourteen of them. Could I ever believe it? We were all very happy seeing each other. I introduced my new friend to them. He shook his hands well with them.
About ten minutes before ten the bell rung. We were asked to look our place and to take our seats. I had my number on the third floor of the school building. I felt it even better when four of my schoolmates were in the same room, all behind me.
There were long desks and benches. Only two were allowed in a bench though, there were still many seats to be occupied. A thin man with the bony cheeks and very big glasses on his entered the room with papers in his hand.
When the bell rang at ten. He gave us the English paper. He told us to make all the objective questions on the question paper. And the long ones in the additional blank sheets he had given us. Most of the questions were all objective and I had done pretty a lot for the entrance exam for the SOS, where they ultimately kicked me off in the interview. I was too quick for all those in the room. I had to do all three papers; I was first to ask for the next when I finished the first. It was that first they gave us English, which should have too be done in half an hour, it was fifteen or twenty minutes I took the most as all were just objective except and essay. Meanwhile I too kept helping my old friends with their difficulties. I wasn’t so good but still good enough to help them. A friend Prakash, teacher finding him making noise brought him next to me.... It was then even easier for him. Later told me that he never read any of the objective questions. He got everything from mine.

I left earlier, than my friends did in the room. I had to wait about half an hour before sagar came out. He told he too did it good. After then we sat off to the valley again. It was about two when we came in it. He paid the bus fair this time. Before we departed, I told him we could leave off back home tonight. He did agreed with me. Then he left off for his submission of his form in one of the colleges where as I decided to go to the bus station.I stayed for two hours, waiting for him. At about five he came. He had already got ticket for himself... His bus would only go to his place, Daumali not to Pokhara. So, there was no way I could take the same bus. I had to take a different one.

I left before he did; he was there to say his last goodbye. On the way I did try to see him if I could ...but it I didn't succeed. Later, I called him once, but couldn't find him in home. I too wrote a letter. Had no answer for it. And it was also that he didn't succeed in the exams so had no names for the admission. So, there was no way other.
"Forget him. It's over." I thought
This time I had a teacher, who was taking the seat next to me? He was from the same place where "One-day" friend belonged. He seemed nice and very well educated. He suggested me; it would not be bad even if I try studying in the Government College. On the way, there was heavy rain. We arrived in town at about there. After then I decided to walk from there. It would take me an hour to get to my home. As I walked up and reached the crossroad, my legs dipped into the water more than a foot deep. Oh my god! I was so shocked. There had been a flood.
The rain had not been over yet. It was not heavy even. But road had been flooded, so it was getting very difficult to make the paces to get next side of the road.
As I came across it, it was so dark, as not many lights turned on except some streetlights. As I came to the second crossroad, a woman's scream took my breath. I hurriedly, raced back. On the way back, a policeman in the guardhouse yelled at me.
"Hey, why are you running?" he asked from a distant.
I stopped and told him, "I couldn't get through the dark, so I have returned."
As he was coming towards me, I too headed toward and we both walked back together to the bus station.

There were few small tea stalls opened, few men were gathered there. So, I too decided to take a cup of tea. After about fifteen minutes, I too headed my way. It was three thirty in the morning. I was a still bit worried, if something comes happens...as there were several stories of robbery and murder that took place around the way. However I came home. I was very happy getting back. At about an hour after, I reached home. No one was up. It was still raining I was completely wet. Everyone surprised to see be back. They told me it was not good that I came through the night. But they were happy for that I was back again. Well, this was how I had made the first journey by myself alone... with a very limit of time.

Well, today, at about seven, there the warden blew his whistle; it didn't take much before all of us we came out. We were told to be in two lines. Stretching out our hands, letting then fall and turning to different directions, we seemed sort of lazy marching bands. Then he shouted at us.
"You guys never learnt these things before in yours schools. We will have you well trained don't worry."
" It was not that I had longed to hear on the first day. But still there was nothing I could ever speak or do more. Then I sorted out my calculations.
"Two years. It's just about seven hundred and thirty days. It's is not very long. I have already been for nine years. And all those years they went so fast, I cannot even imagine how fast they fleeted away. And it was just merely two years... not more. And it goes way. The only thing I must think about, is my study... I ought to make my future from here. That is only that I must think of." This was how I always compromised my self.

Then one of the wardens went checking the rooms ...to see if the things were managed properly or not. Some of my friends were called and were told to arrange their things properly. They warned us that the things should be well managed that they wouldn't prefer to talk about the same thing everyday. As we look above ...on the upper floor the seniors were still there...getting prepared.... However some seemed just to be waking from their bed. We set off from there in about half an hour. We walked up in to lines to the dining hall for the breakfast. When we reached there, the room had been filled with the high school boys. Boys were dressed as we were, in a faint blue shirt and long dark blue pants but their tie had green logo in contrast to our which was red and girls in light blue Kurta Salwar.

We were served with five loaves of breath, a boiled egg and tea. I was greatly shocked. On the first day it was too much for me. I couldn't take all that we were given because for the past days we were only served with three loaves of bread, the most. But later on, in a month a two... it was not enough for me. I usually took seven, but some times nine or ten because it would be too tough to resist hunger till the noon, the time for our lunch. Two days in a week we were served with five loaves of bread with butter or jam and a tea but no egg with it.

On the first day of the assembly, we had the national anthem and the school song. (It was same song as to that we sang in my last school). After it there was a sort of welcome speech from the English teacher, Narayan Tiwari. He was short but smiling and very polite. He was good enough as an English teacher. After the speech they called our names to let us know to which section we belonged. I was in section 'A'. And my roll number forty-two. I was the last one due to the orders they made with our names. As formally, mine had been “Yubraj”.

Our class, it had three rows of long desks, four in each. All of the students weren't present. So, the room looked like half filled. First I took the seat on the first row of one of its corner, which was far away from the door. But after sometime, I didn't like the place, I went to the third bench at it's corner. It had a long back- board, longest one I had ever seen. And a concrete platform ...so that the teachers would easily reach the top. The first class was Physics. I did have nothing with me. No books or any exercise books to write on or to write with A physics teacher came in. Made a short introduction between us he started with the lesson. He started optics, with the laws of reflection and refraction. Then second was a biology teacher. He was tall, thin, and had big round glasses on. He had good speech...that influenced us for sometime. But later we knew what he really was. Within few days we knew seniors called him "kingfisher." Perhaps because of his thin body, and his long neck.
After then we had break for ten minute.
There were two more classes, of Chemistry, and mathematics. After a short break after it, the last class we had was from the English teacher. All the classes ended at twelve five. It was time for our lunch. After it, we were free...he had whole day off. Then we had nothing to do for the day. After the tea in the late afternoon, I with some of the old mates from my last school came to watch football the seniors were playing close to our hostel. It was not very big ground. ...And it was wet...but it was still enough to for a play. The time ball went down from the ground it would take about the next five minute to restart the game.

It was time I when met two new friends who later became very good friend to me. They were twins but they didn't seem as they were. You too would have never believed it. Both of them were nice and good.... I have great feelings for both of them. In a short while I couldn't even believe.... We became so good friends, though most of the time I spent with Kush, the younger brother. Lava was elder, but not even as tall as his younger brother was. He was very sensible, with every thing. He always liked to play ...especially cricket...he loved it pretty much. Kush, he was quite ...and very responsible. That's what I favored him so much. I still have not a thing to tell against him. Even through years, I still find him the same. I would always feel glad if he always had good feeling from me. For me, he was always one of those I felt the best.

Before it got dark, I went to see the seniors with their rehearsal; they had two electric guitars, and a drum. Three people played the music and the singers they came and took their turn one after another. They played really well. I just knew few cords that were all that I had learnt from my friends during the last days of my high school. I could only make a little bit rhythm ...as my voice wasn't that good to sing a song? I was sitting on a chair facing them ...tying to get on with the notes they were playing for the songs. But something more had taken my mind. They way, their fingers rumbled over the frets ...it was amazing. They were pretty tough. Later I knew one of them was the guitarist from a very renowned Nepalese band "Nepathya". Quite many Nepalese favour their songs.
Well, the second day was also over.

A day and two, the third day was no much of a difference. In a week time I learnt how the things work there - knew many people belonging to have the responsibilities. However I didn't have much to interfere to them nor did they feel. Slowly the passage of time, brought me together to know each other.


After a week, that Friday at about three in the day, we were taken to the Multi-purpose hall. It was very big. Could hold at least about thousand people at a time. It had a very big stage. There was a big entrance on the front there were about two doors on the side. There were also additions doors on the sides of the stage ... they were the dressing rooms. Light system it was not bad. On the back of the stage ...they had the banner hung on it. It read as:
"Welcome Program for Class XI '97"

After the arrival of the principle of the school and other authorities, show initiated with a welcome speech and then the welcome song of their own composition. Then several songs ...and dances followed it. Music it was terrific...and songs they sounded well. Something that surprised me was that they were well equipped. I had never been before to any combinations of such sorts. The dances were... single, dual and mixed. Girls did well with it. But I was astonished when the group of boys from the audience roared as the group of girls on the stage brought their hands forward pointing their fingers to the crowd.
"Wow it's amazing." I told to my friend Kush sitting next to me.
Before the show ended.... Some of the guys tried to climb the stage. Then soon many of them followed. Later, Gurus went and kicked them off the stage... But again they got over the stage. In about three hours the show ended.


After about two weeks things slightly changed. Now most of the friends had also arrived. We were fifty in each class. In total we were hundred. Out of them, fourteen were girls and rests of them were boys. There had only six in ours where as the rest of them in the next class. The girls took the first and second benches of the row close to the door. By this time, almost all the seats were occupied. Most of my friends from the last school had also arrived. We were ele-ven of us. Two of them decided to stay in our room. At the beginning I insisted, and though of leaving the room. But later I gave it up. There were also some changes in our daily class routine. The classes would be starting from nine, not from eight. So, the day was off at about three on the days when we had practical.... And other days, it lasted up to one. We had practical on the third and fourth class. It was for one hour and half, and three times week. Most of the time, Kush and me, we mostly we did it earlier.

It was the third week, yet I had not spoken to many. Well a nine years in a Boys' school would make me terrible speaking to girls. I couldn't speak to them. I couldn't hold on my passion, it really burnt me. I didn't feel taking to them because I was so worried if I would make any mistakes and that would create problems. I did make a preparation so many times to start out a talk but everything went in vain ...I couldn't dare to do.

But it was the same week it happened, I talked to some one ...and it was Shama, the first one I had talked to. She was pretty girl, looked very nice though, short with her heights... But the elegant charm reflected from her skin and the thin eyelashes over her perfect eyes. Moreover, her stunning voice, so soft and low had some miracle. Her english she was absolutely perfect. That day, when she asked to me about myself I gave her all the answers though I couldn't go that far, I was completely absorbed because of my nerves. But still did it before I turned red and had to walk away. Since then I slowly dared to talk to her and later sometime we would also talk for longer in the classroom during the lunck break. Well from the way she talked, I did know that she was very sensible and understanding. In reality she indeed was.

So, I was pretty much straight with my deeds...for her. No matter, I couldn't stop myself talking to her and from telling what I felt .I sometime suggested her ... however I too always was interested in hearing her. I always felt the great worth of that she had been for me? Perhaps only one of those very few that had been always been very noble and true to me. Even through these years, I do possess her just as well as she was. And it's to remain till the lifetime. At the corner of the row, close to the door of our class, there was next, Amru. After a day or two taking to Shama, it was her with whom I had talked the next. It was that I had the first attemp. She had good look with her dark skin and beautifully figured body. She often changed her styles with her smooth hair which was almost to the length to the waist- I sometime made the notice about it. She usually tried them at her back, though sometime she made the long braids out of it. I liked it when she parted the front potion, let a little of her front hair on the left shed down along her chick and the remaining tied at the back. With all this she seemed so innocent but lustrous -something that really impressed me during those days.

That day, after my physics practical, I came back to our class and as I passed through the door I saw her, she was there alone in her seat. She seemed to be waiting for her mates as non-of them were there. There were some other guys, who were busy with own their things.
Then I turned to her and asked, " How was your bio-practical?"
After a pause she told me, "It was good."
I didn't talk much. Then I moved to my place.
I guess, I was perhaps the first guy from the class to talk to her. I had never seen her talk to anyone of us (boys) nor did anyone from us go for it. I felt the talk - short and good.
Perhaps it was just the beginning I had thought.
Later one day, I was getting back from the lab, and I was surprised she asked me the same question, about my practical. I did give her the similar answer she had done for me.
Then after it, often I talked to her.

One morning after the practical I went to her place to talk to her, I told "Well I think I had seen you that day..."
"I too should have seen you in the valley," she came with a quick reply even before I had completed my sentence. I felt very strange with her answer. There I was trying to tell her that I had seen her on the very first day in the school store, the very first day she had arrived.
But I didn't go further to make complex discussions.

Within first few weeks, as I took a notice on her, she really didn't speak to any guys. It was me that sometimes went to her and talked. She was really very simple. So, was I greatly impressed?
Once she asked me about the Red Iron, from chemistry. I didn’t know so I told her I would tell after I got about it. Few days later I went to her to tell her about the red Iron. There I talked a little bit about it.

Before I left, she asked me about the picture. I was surprised, only few days back during the lunch break I had only shown a picture of a girl to shama, telling her it was my girl friend. In reality it wasn’t mine… I had only asked it from the Suman, one of the classmates. I wondered she had cared about it.

But It had not been a month even, I felt some changes in her. Now she seemed a bit different to me. She was no more silent didn’t only talk to many but also she was the one that sometime made noises in the room. These changes ultimately, turned my blood cold. So, desperately, a distance it’s built up and I was few steps back again. She was some one only for a reason of her simplicity nothing more.


The third week of august today I got letter from Narjan, a schoolmate who was studying, in Pokhara, in the same school where I had dreamt to be in. It was the first time he had written to me. He had always been the first guy in our class since we studied together from the second grade till the tenth. There was no one to put him off. Moreover, he was the Captain of our class and also the school prefect. He was greatly admired by the teachers and staffs of our school. Later, I knew he too shocked everybody in his school with his extra ordinary performances with results in the finals... of his eleventh and twelfth grade. After all he was a man of worth I knew it.
So, I was extremely happy to hear from him... After my classes, I went to my room, laid in my bed to read it. Three were non-of my mates in the room, they had gone for the games.
As I opened his letter and went thought his words.... It was not much that I could proceed. My eyes were covered with tears and my heart crushed. Through the shock and surprise, I went through all of it.

The way he explained about life, miseries and all the realities. It was different than that we ever learn from the books and teachers or our elders but I knew it was true and real because still till today I feel it is the only reality that we find here around us. However, the suggestions he had had for us and his wishes made me feel very happy.

In the length of two years there he wrote me many letters. And it was only to me whom he wrote though had never missed to have his words for my other old mates. In few days, I wrote him back. I too wrote to one of my teacher of my high day, the same time. The same week I too heard from the next teacher from my previous school. Though he taught us only for few months and left the school. But there was a sort of great favour he had done for me. After my school, he had brought me a guitar (Thosedays when I had felt it's greatest essence.) Perhaps, it's also a thing I never got to forget ever.

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2nd Aug.1997.

Dear Yubaraj
I hope the letter of mine finds you in the best of your health and happiness. I have received your letter today dated 29/7/97. I am really happy to receive your letter. Thanks a lot.
I also received a letter from the class 10 (DPS Bel ) Boys. They too had mentioned about your good result that you boys have achieved. I am really very proud of you and every body.
It was also nice to hear that you are at DPS, Ktm. Good. You must strive to do much better there. All my prayer and good wishes are with you.
Right now I am teaching at Vijaypur Boarding school at Dharan itself. But the students are not so interesting here. I miss all at Belchautara, especially ex. 10 and present 10 boys.
I am looking forward for your earliest reply. Look after your health and studies at the sametime.

Lots of Love and Luck.
Auvijit
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However for a month, the things were so new to me that I couldn't figure out with all that was going on. Days with friends and the classes we had had been good enough to take our time. So, I did never prefer long holidays. But the courses and books, they bugged my head. For about a month I was very much dazed. But things came into it's way after it. I felt the days too short then.... Time would now be so fast that I wouldn't be able to hold on the dates.... As I was often a day or two late. Most of the time I was with Kush ...he helped me with every of my things. He has given me so much more than that I might have had ever given to him. The more easiness that because he had moved into ours from the next section and we were in same practical groups. Most of the time, we would be sitting together next to each other...where as sometime we weren't. I usually took own my place...close to window.... That's what I always loved.

Along with it...Shama, she also became very good friend of mine. I did know many things about her when we started setting our chemistry practical together. We would prepare many parcticals together. When I think about her.... I still feel she really felt me so true and so close it was not that we often get from friend especially for the boys when it mattered about the girls. Perhaps not for me again. She did care me much. Talked to so often, asked about me. One day she came with a birthday chocolate, I was one who got it. It was not even for everyone in the room. I gave her few words of mine to cheers her up for the special day. We often did our chemistry practical, together...so it didn't take much time to be good friends. But in a short time some of my friends came with a new name BOSS. (So and so of Shama) Later, even the senior brothers started calling out with the same name. Which ruptured the physical being ...but our friend ship the same ...as good for ever ...that's what I still feel about her. She did give me much ...but never did ask me anything. I would have no way to reject if she had tried for. But she didn't do.

Later, she purposed one of our classmates. He was a very good guy. Tall, had good look and was from the good family. Things had been good between them all the two years but I don't know what happened after then. Because she never wrote me again, though I had mailed her a couple of times on the later years after we departed but there was no answer.

Except for a reasonable cause or the religious holidays, the only time we were allowed to go out on leave was on the first Friday of every month. However, the juinor schoolboys didn't have any unless a term ended ie about long three consecutive months. But there was an offer, every third Saturday was PTA day. The parents could and visit the Most of my friends did go to their home or to their relatives.... Or some places if they succeed to make for them. I did never go out for holidays. Even if had been out for sometime, I would come back to the hostel for the night. The first holiday, Kush asked me if I would spend the time with them. Simply, I told him not to worry I would do it here with no difficulties.

During holidays, it was not much to do. But we felt good that our wardens didn't watch us that much. So, we did have good times if we would find something to do. Else the time...it would be so harsh...so difficult to get over it. Every Saturday, we could watch some English or American movies or a Hindi movie. We watched it on the hall on the upper floor of the dining hall. After about half a year, we had new TV in our hostel where we could watch the movies. Holidays usual meant for that...to play and watch movies. It a different feeling watching English or American movies in a group of guys. Perhaps I don't talk much about this. When I was in high school, it was even horrible watching Hindi movies. Guys would come out with the whirling sound when a sort of romance lay out on the screen. That was the reason for which the horror shows were restricted on the Friday nights. After then we could never watch them in the school.

With guys, I have a lot of stories. Once, in one of those third Friday night, most of the guys had been away to their home. The seniors brought in some movies. We were all so busy watching, "Poison Ivy IV" we were so quite and no one moving, I was excited seeing the guys around. We had not even gone much though; just then, the warden appeared before us. In a sort time he got it, what we were watching. Then he came and took the video tape. But things didn't go bad. It was buried.

Taking to you the truth, it was normal for our guys, to go out for the similar shows during the holidays. There were some video-parlours in the town close to our school. It was only about two and half miles away. Quite a few times I went with my friends. Especially, on those third Fridays when everybody made notion of going home. We from the distant places sometimes came out for it. Those houses were very differently built. In one of them, they had three underground rooms. They were made for such purposes ...just only for watching movies. The rooms were pretty small, only enough for about five or six people. Not more... And the height ...not more than six feet I guess. The first day we could only grab chances late at four. We were surprised; there were our own classmates who had already been there before us. Then we replaced them ... We were six there. A group had to pay fifty for each movie. That day we watched two movies - "Sexual Ronettee" and "Bed room and Broad room". "Not the bad stories in them," after the show I told to my friends. No one seemed to be interested in my words ...perhaps no body heard it.

It was already dark when we returned back to hostel.
Later guys caught up another way, they went damn crazy for snooker and pool then that stuff. I wasn't quite attracted to those things. I would better prefer the movies. But what could I do ...my friends didn't want it. ? So, I didn't go for it because I wouldn't like to do it just that by myself alone.

But there was time ...only for short when we had a new warden in our hostel. He came and stayed just for a month or two. It was pretty short but left quite a lot. He was so good because he never treated us like the others did. Every body liked him.... As he always dealt us more as a friend did. But he was sort of fancy guy; he would be so pleased to hear about him. It was how many of my friends and the senior brothers made him do things. And really he did it.
Things went swiftly, after it. Days were beautiful. It was morning the sun rose, and things crossed over so fast... it was eleven or sometimes twelve at night...till I heard the jets flying above us almost every Tuesday nights. When I usually turned off the light, to sleep. Most of my friends would be asleep earlier than I did. And in morning most of the time, I was again the first one to get up. But during exam hours it was different. Some of my friend did stay very late than that I did because I could no longer go with studies.

But, I am never used to sleep during night with lights on. So, many times I had to wait until my friends turned off the lights. In our room, he had routine to sweep the floor. I had my turn on Friday. For few weeks, three or four, we all took our turn. But after then, our routine was out dated. No longer everyone followed it. Who ever felt it did it. It was often that, I cleaned our room, on Saturdays. But there was no any sort of arguments because we didn't give it much importance.

Now ...we had also named our room. My friends got a name. "RYBKYP" with the first letter of our names. We had the name written on the entrance of our room with very big letters. We too collected a small sum of amount. My friends brought a small Chinese stereo with it... Since then we started tuning on to different stations for different music. Later it was a sort of addiction to me during my stay there. They also brought some posters of exquisitely beautiful women, those of the Indian and Hollywood stars. One of my friends had all around his bed. After all, it seemed as if we had made a small home for our selves. More over, every Thursday we had power cuts. It would come at eighth in the evening. Most the time we either played got together in our room, made music with guitar or sometimes Kush and me, we came out on the open sky outside of our hostel and laid on the green grass taking to ourselves. We spent time...looking to the moon, the stars and all the miracles lying underneath it. Within few days, we also got table and chair in our room. We had about four tables. All had new ones but I had old but with it's top being replaced with new plywood. It looked stronger than the new ones because they were not well furnished. One day while I was talking to my friends, just opposite to our room. I broke one of my friends' desks I had sat over it for only for sometime, and now joints had now made into pieces. After, then I was careful handling them.

Things were slowly changing, Now we need not make line to go to the dining for the breakfast. My friend Kush liked to be before the time. So, he moved out from hostel with one of his room -mate every early morning. But I hated to be in line. So, I was always the last one, among my friends to leave my room. And many times I was the last one from the hostel. I would leave always leave only about fifteen to twenty before the bell for assembly. It would take about twelve minutes to reach the dinning. I finished every thing within just a couple of minutes and rushed to classroom to keep my copies. Initially, we carried, our copies in our bags ...but later, it was almost everyone ... we did it on our bare hand. But sometimes you know, I had tough time for coming so late... There would be no bread left ...or sometimes, no eggs or tea. This happened often. If everything was over they gave biscuits, but I really didn't like them. There was no way other so, I had to take it. Many days I remained so hungry but still I liked my way. My way to do things. I didn't bother being in line. It was same for lunch and dinner, I usually showed off myself at the last hours. And I always enjoyed with what I was doing.... No pushing, no rushing. And it was pleasure ...doing thing slower and in own way. Just to be free...

In sometime, I go used to with the food there. We ever given different kinds of vegetables in our meals... I liked the fried potatoes the most and with chicken it would be the best even, which we would have twice a week, on the Sundays and Thursday eves. But there was something unusual on these eves. You would see a greater crowed gathered ion the beginning. There would be a very long line with the people waiting for their turn.... And sometime it would be long out from the entrance door and along the bottom of the stairs. It really was horrible. I know, I had been going though all this for about a decade but still, it was the thing I was not getting through.

Apart from all this, recently we began with PT, a physical training, in the morning. Since then we were made up at five thirty in the morning, even before the warden came up this his terrible blow of his whistle. That's when the flow of water from the taps of the bathroom always waked me up. The water would come, only for a half an hour in the morning. And it was only three times a day morning, at about ten and finally at five. I was surprised, when the girls told me that they had no problems with the water. It ran off their tap through out the day and night. At about six the Warden would shout with his hoarse voice, "Get out of your rooms just within a minute else I will know you out."

There was no way other, for a couple of days I didn't go. Because I did never like it though I know it's good for health and the physical fitness. I would always say you please you do it, it's good. But I would never like myself going out running in the morning. I did escape most time. I really didn't go though I knew I could be in trouble if he found me.

But one Friday, he really took of us. It was only that day, for those years I went for it. As our terminal exam was closer, from Sunday we had no PT onwards. It was a very new for me. I was so delighted to hear it. On Saturday I slept till late, so did my roommates. Many times I was the last one of get off that day. It would be a different morning to me.

There was a small steam flowing though the little paddy fields which just about fifteen minutes down the hill. I went there every Saturday morning, only myself alone. It was the time when I always though about the things that I had came though. Sometime I tried to know myself, who really I was. I had so many question of past unanswered ...after all why? For what...? Sometimes all these things seemed to drive me crazy. I was speaking alone to myself, irresistible thought thrusting out from brain. These all things sometimes made me feel myself that I had gone mad. Whom shall I tell with all I had... perhaps not to any humans? Everyone has his or her own load and nobody really can understand anyone for me and not me for anyone. Though I knew there were friends who heard me very well and many to those who told me much of their thing. Few suggestions were only that I could give them in return. So, it was only the time I felt myself ...free, free to talk in silence, tell all my feeling to the open sky. With a gentle blow it would give me the gesture it had understood me. The flow of the stream seeing my tears would sing for me to cheer me up. They were also my good friends apart from the good friends, the humans I had ... They were very true and were real. They would never lie me ...never gave me tears ...not any betrayal or blame me for my mistakes. So, they were my real friends...

So, I had made a day to spent time them.... It didn't matter, for if it rained or it was hot sunny morning or the chill of the cold wind over the frozen frost over the ground did make any changes. I just did it, as it was what I deserved.

One evening, it had not even been long enough; we had come from our dinner. Some were studying where as others were busy with there own way. In our room we were busy talking about the guys and gals of our classes. Just then we saw all the Gurus had already entered our hostel. The principal and the camp commandant of our school had also come. They were about fifteen to twenty all together. In loud voice they shouted at us.
"Get out of your room... Quick ".
"All of you." Next one told.

Immediately we emptied our hostel. It was about eight thirty that evening when we were put in lines in the dark, outside of the hostel. Then one room after the next we were called and they checked all our things. When we were called. We opened our bagpack; there was a thin man that came to check all my things. I looked much serious with my glasses on and my voice, low when I answered his questions. Perhaps it way why he didn't make it through in mine. However, I was not worried, as I didn't have anything that would cause me a problem.

When the principal came to our room. Seeing all he posters of the stars, he told to my friends. "With all those beautiful ladies over your head.... How can you study your lessons? Can you concentrate your mind with all of these things before you."
My friend didn't speak.
"Guru tear them out," he added.
Then one of them got up in his bed and tore all of them.
We didn't say anything.
Later I heard similar thing that went in the Girls hostel. They told the principal seized the posters that they had on the wall. Those days most of girls of our class favored Leonard Di Caprio, the star of the Titanic, the movie was of the recent release that time and others with some Bollywood stars. I got it all from the autobiography they filled for the friends.
Well, that day I don't know if they ever found any thing or not but I knew they were searching for something like drugs or something of its sort. It took about an hour before it got over. I was an unexpected search but so far I think, there had been no problem to any of us.
These sorts of unexpected checking were often made, even in the last school where I had stayed in hostel for so long years. Though I was not much concerned with all this but it often had chances that any of us could be accused for other misdeed with that we might have remained unknown.

It had already been about three months; I had not been out for that place even for a day. Terminal exam was also closer, so I had my time preparing for it. After it, it would be a month vacation. As the days grew nearer, more and more I started days. The exams started, I kept myself busy with my books. But every night, before I got into sleep, I stated counting days...seven, six, five, four three, two and one.... Twenty-four hours from now... The next morning, I was so delighted. I had all my things prepared. Or that I had to take with me. I had a long bag to carry all my things and few books and notes to do the assignments the teacher gave us for the vacation.

It was chemistry exam; I did it before twelve. Perhaps half an hour before it was, meant. Then was the time for the lunch. The excitement aroused in me, disappeared all my hunger. I couldnot even finish all that I had taken in my dish.
Today, I had decided to stay with Kush, He had asked me since long.

The next day, I would live with my friends to Pokhara. After sometime, Kush came with his brother Lava. He got our things. Before leaving we got our Ids that We had got it after a month of our arrival. Then we went to our warden, he signed it, and also that he mentioned the date of the day and also the date for arrival. This had to be done everytime ... leaving and entering the hostel. We left the hostel at about one. As we came across, I could see people streaming, all dressed in school uniform leaving. It was the rule, we had to come with our uniform as well enter the school the same way.It took about an hour to get into the valley. The bus was very crowed. In the next hour we came to my friends house. It was first; ever I was staying with my friend. I would have rather stayed in hotel or would have left for the home the some night, then sorting out people to find a way living with them. But it was my friend, and even my heart didn't resist. I was happy to be there, with them.

It was somewhere, at the edge the valley, a beautiful park in front of their residence. It was good place they had even though it was crowded place and the street in front of it was small and busy. Then Kush, he started tell me many of the things around that place, about the next girl next door and the times when the things nearly created disaster when one day she was in his arms. But the things didn't go further. So, things came to their place. Later the same evening he should me the girl, introduced me to her. Well, she was a beautiful girl with hair trailing a little above her shoulder, the colour of her skin; it seemed like the burnt honey, smooth and bright. The way she smiled, the time she talked to me, it was a complete amusement to me watching her that way. Indeed she was beautiful.

After sometime, He took me to one of his friend that lived at about twenty wards from his. He was thin, with a dramatic look.... Had a thin lining above his lips and his eyes seemed to be some depth from his face. He had quite a fancy wear. He was one of those very best mates of my friend. I didn't talk to him pretty much except the induction that the Kush did for us. I knew he was good, as Kush had known him since long years. For about half an hour they kept taking about their own things ...and their own friend. They also talked about the classes, about teachers and about the romances that went at the different corners of the college building but mostly he was taking about his girl friend and did seemed toubled for that the things wren't working so well with is girl friend.

After then, we left him, Kush told me if I liked going to the park. I told him ...I would. Then he took me with him. As we entered he told we never pay getting into this place. Never do so anytime you come here. I listened to him...I followed him, we talked all our things ...he showed me all that was around. He told how was it built, when and who did it. He told how often they came to the swimming pool. One had to pay twenty-five Nepalese rupees, for a time to get in. Thursday was a particular day only for women and rest of the days for all

As we passed by, there was a little hill covered with small forest. We climbed and reached the top; there was a flat landscape, no trees there.
"People come here for picnics and some party. It's often busy in Saturdays and holidays." He told me.
Just then we came across; I saw a couple under the tree. A woman and her boyfriend perhaps, were busy taking and holding their hands.
I caught his hand and whispered to him, "Lets not disturb them."
Then we decided to get back.
On our way back, he told, "You would see many on the holidays. Someday... you too should come with yours." I did have for answer for this.

The sun was about to set, when Lava asked me if I wanted to go with him. I was enjoying being with them so, I would never say no when some one like him did make any of the offer. He came down, along the way of the main road, as went came we crossed thought a small passage that went from the side of the road. On the way he told me about his last school, how his days were and about his friends. He had really felt the worth of his childhood. Further he told "The is the way we walked since our very young day ... for about ten years. I still remember when mama sent off for our school and my brother and me took the way. It should have been twenty minutes way when we came to a huge building. "Siddhartha Banasthali School" it had a big board written with it. It had few building but at least four of five stories in each of them. It was really one of those very best schools out of the whole nation. "Here it's my school. " with a delight told me.

Then he pointed to a window and told me," The window, to the right on the fourth that was my class when I was in ten"
After then getting we took a different route in getting our way back. On the way she showed he the Industrial Area of the valley, where there were several industries ...for Coca-Cola, Metals, Biscuits and many other things. It was already dark and evening was getting cool. I could feel the chill of the cool breeze on my face and over my skin. There was no power. So, the street seemed dark. After, sometime we reached home.

In the evening, I saw their dad then I greeted him. But I was surprised that I was not questioned. At about eight, the power came. After sometime we went for food. There I saw their mom. She was an old lady, with sort of slightly mixed white hairs and few wrinkles on her face, not very deep. Perhaps she should be on her sixties. But the way she talked was so gentle, as I felt she wasn't much different than to my own mother. There was table, with two chairs on each side. Lava and me stayed at one the left where Kush was there on the right. I was given a big plate of rice, with lentils and vegetables. The food was very good. I told her. My friends asked me to take more, but I didn't.Then we came to their room. There they showed all their pictures since their childhood days. Since the days they were small babies. They had quite many albums filled with all those past memories. As they turned the pages, every picture had it's own story and I felt interesting to hear all that they were telling. At about ten, we turned off the light. But that night, at about two, I saw the light had been turned on again. It was their brother and sister in law with their small baby came to see my friends. I could hear some voices but I couldn't get my eyes opened because of the deep sleep. After sometime the light was turned off again everything was all right again.

Next morning, after the meal at about ten, Lava willed to come to me. We took an auto rickshaw to the centre of the town. We went to the hotel, where my friends were taking rooms for a night. In short time we were together. After sometime, Lava left the place. I waved him the last goodbye before he left.

It was about eleven when we our bus came. And we left the valley. We were thirteen, we were all from Pokhara Well there was nothing so new on the way. After seven hours of the bus drive I was back home. I was really happy to be back but I felt very sad when I found something missing, it was Thundu, a little dog. He had been very good to me for the last two years. I was so desperate hearing it; I went to the place where he was buried. I was amused with the reality of life. Things usually don't go the way we think but many times the strange things comes out that we might have never even have thought about. And also the things that we feel the worth, we have much chances to lose it anytime and any day and the things that seems rather to be of any use might make us hover forever. These are the realities.

Well, He was a tiny little dog with the pretty long shiny white fur hairs that covered his eyes. I had spent much time with him but he was a very good to be friend. A difference I find in a human and an animal. They are innocent and true rather than humans, are worth to be believed, as they never decided once the hold belief on their masters. That's the reason why I adore animals as well.

It was a month vacation and it didn't take much time. I did make much time for the assignments. It worried me through out the way. What would teachers tell me? They would never like it. Even in my last school it was almost never that I ever did my assignments during my holidays. It would be the last night; I would go to my sisters to ask them for help. They did it with their best to with all they could. Then I would cover the remaining when I got back with the help of my friends.It took days from three to four.

But most of the time, I would do it during those days in school went home for the holidays. Usually I was always late to leave for home. There had been many times during my primary school days that I had too sleep alone in the big hall with no one except the "Uncle" (There we called the wardens "Uncle.") as all my friends would already be gone from it Hostel. So, I would sometime do go with all our assignments throughout the day. So, it would be easier not to have any tense during holidays. It was not only me many of my friends did the same.

As the bus was getting on it way. Once again, my eyes filled with tears.They rolled down over my cheeks. I couldn't stop them. After years, the feeling of my younger days aroused in me again for one more time again. My heart just as fragile as it was, it hadn't changed, and I had same blood, so I was the same person. Only thing was different was, time. I was kid before, but now I was more a less a young man. I was getting old, my mind filled with more experiences. So, after all it made a great difference, I couldn't again be a kid. The time has already gone and it was never to come back.

Since the beginning from my second grade till the eighth, it was some one who always came to take me from my school for the long vacations and took me back after it was over. It was usually that mother did it all for me. I would always be so happy to be back home in every four months. It was not so often that I came home for the short holidays for a day or two as most of my friends did. But I swear - every time I went back to school, there was not a day I had no tears, when I entered through the school gates. After my mother left me there, I would she her way, if she had still been there. But no more I could find here, though I sometimes kept looking her way for hours. It was eighth grade, when little bit of life changed for me. I felt something good about life, some light piercing though darkness of my soul...

We were getting bigger, since then we were allowed to go home by ourselves alone. It was a sort of new life to me...a way to sort out some happiness for the dark soul that was sort of in need of love ...of the family, not with all the treachery. Since then I could come and go on my own for the short holiday. That was the greatest pleasure that ...for happiness.

Even, during the initial days, getting back to school, was the matter of difficulties to me. I did had tears, in my eyes those first few days. But later, things drastically changed. Though the horrible feeling for almost six or seven years only the last few years were good ... the very last year was the best of all when I had cherished the part of real life, got few chances to see the reality and see few things that really did existed. However, talking about all this things I am not intending to mean the miseries of life...no it's not. I just want to mean how the bloody rules for human can make an innocent life feel so miserable.

For me, I kept looking back; the early sunshine gave the yellowish brightness over silver white shine from lining of mountains. It gave the beautiful glimpse of the only real paradise, the true heavenly nature. As the distance grew nearer, I could see that they show up some while before they completely vanished. Again at the end of the day I was back to my school.

Next day, the water thrusting out from the tap in the bathroom woke me up. It was still dark out side. But we could see the daylight was trying make it's way over the dark. It was winter, so I was really having troubles leaving the warmth of my bed. But there was no other way other else I would be late for washing. I came back to my room. And started getting ready with my things. Got all my books, my uniforms. At about seven-thirty I came out of the hostel. I had the uniform and a coat over it, Perhaps I should have looked different with a blazer coat ... just a little bit smarter. As I came out of the hostel door, I could feel the cold bleeze on my face that often hit my skin make me feel so terribly cold. The sun had already rose over the sky trying to open though the fog and making several attempts to reach the ground. I could see the fog leaving the ground below climbing up the sky high,.. It greatly astonished me, seeing the frozen frost through out all the glass-land. It was the first time ever. As I paced few steps, I got down to take it over in my hands. In just a while it disappeared in my hand making it partly wet. The sunlight, with it's heat trying to reveal the tiny little leaves of almost the dried Grey grasses over the melting shawls of frozen frost made the perfect picture. I was totally gazed with it for sereval minutes before I felt I was getting late.

The sunshine in the morning gave us the warmth that reached to our flesh. We could feel it inside. We were really proud with it. After it the things went the same way as they used to be. That day most of our friends arrived... so did Kush and Lava and also my friends from Pokhara. The Girls had come, but not the Shama. The strange new they brought upseted me for some days. I felt I really missed her when they told she left for US, they too had been in the airport for the farewell. I was completely stunned. I had even thought if I would manage to get the address, I would certainly write her. Things were just going on… about in three week I was gain surprised to she her back at school. She had been sick and had been unable to come to school. When she told me I felt so sorry for her. It was good she was back again, for which I was very happy.

Days were even beautiful in winter. Due to cold perhaps, should be about some minus degrees in the morning, we need not go for PT which I was very happy about. Then the morning sun was exquisitely beautiful. After our lunch Kush and me, we usually came out in the sun for an hour or so. We would get down the terrace, as there were few below at the edge of the front of our class building... before the Main Gate. There were many lemon trees, and also some of similar sort but not very big. Many times we did try our best getting them for us. Once or twice I did try by climbing on it. I couldn't get even one. All other friends laughed at me. I felt so horrible for a moment. There would be many groups, gathered but mostly we would be just two or three. But there was something very distinctive. Most of all, ever body came out for sun.... Senior had their own space where we never went unless we had something to do. And in ours they did not come. So, it seemed as it had been separately made for us.

Else we would spent time in library, there were much books about the courses than the others. However there were enough of it. The man there was had always been good since the first day I had seen him . He was a middle-aged man, with his a small round face that suited his body. We usually saw him in white shirt, black cotton pants. He looked like very much like an officer, in some very big business firm or so. But indeed, I always found him helpful and understanding- always. Often he gave us the books for long months and ahead of it, he we would give us two or three at a time. He too once let me in the store when I asked for it. As normal no body did go into it. I was in sort of looking for the older school magazines for the earlier pictures and so. I really thanked him that day though my work was of no use.

After about a week of our arrival, then we had a very good new this morning. We told by our wardens that we would go to watch over the show " Beating the Retreat" for the inaugration of the Queens fouty-eighth birthday. It was a sort of athletics performed by the trained police personals. They play songs, show different indoor athletics like gymnastics and other marshal arts.

They are very well trained, so the chances are least for they do mistakes. It was about noon when we left our school. We were all dressed in our school uniform. I, with about fifteen to twenty of my friends decided to go in a small truck, though it was meant to carry gloceries for the school but would often carry us for some occasions like that. It was fun being there, as it had open space at it's back so we could see, everything around us. As we came out of our school, my friends they strated up with songs. This was usual way that guys would go when they are off from school in groups. I was not interested in it. But I was very glad for being away from school.
In about more than quarter and an hour, we came to the place, Mararajgunj, it was a police training center. When we reached there, there were also other students from several school who came for it. We should have been very lucky for that lucky for that we given nice place under the shade. Opposite to us were could see, there were school boys from various schools, they came in long lines we could easily differentiate them with their uniforms as each of them had a very specific and different to the others. Though they were far for me see the heat on their faces but the bright sun on their forehead and thick blazers on them must have made they stay very hard.
But at the right side there was a long balcony with about few hundreds of seats. It was for the People of high class or those for the higher officers and their wives.

At, about three, Prince Dipendra arrived, I couldn't figure him out from those massive crowd gathered around him ... High authorities, army chiefs, police personals, ministers and the other royal family members were there to present their extra ordinary greetings to him. (To the readers, the maccare of the royal family took place in the palace itself June Friday night on 1 st 2001- the prince himself had been accused for the muder of all the family and himself). I was excited unless the show started. There were dances, parades ... acrobatics and some motorbike shows ... They did it all well. I greatly enjoyed. It was already getting dark when the show was coming closer to the end. At the end of the show there were some fire works ... it read as the long life for the queens 48th birthday.

It was already seven in the evening when we got back into our truck to get back to our school. The school bus which was carrying the rest of the others, was far behind. When I turned back to see I did see it for sometime but later I found we had already came to far. In about ten minutes we came across a city hall. With large number of people streaming out of the city hall indicated that thje show had just been over ... the street was so covered, I could see my friends would manages to see some pretty faces even through the dark. But the way they spoke to them wasn't polite... But I was not to make any comments. Coz I did enjoy it though I didn't participate.

Then, we came across the airport. The lights lit were really bright and intense. With so many of them it looked beautiful. I watched it till the moment they were in my sight before they finally dissapered again behind the lond trances of building.

After sometime we were out of the valley, then ... I could feel more silence... there were less trafic and very few people in the street. And the houses there were not so intense. Riding out in dark, now I could feel the cool breeze on my face, as I was taking the very front place. It blow of my hair and some times the small insects and files would come and strike on my face which would give a different feeling to me ... it was something that I always felt great about nature. It's so many times it has wakened me up. It has come out for me to make me experience the vividness of the real life no matter even if it's the bright sun to lit up with the warmth in those freezing cold winter of the heavy thunderstorm in the hot sunny days. Whoever so had made all this had made it ... after all should have been a good planner and a good architect.

In about an hour we came to school. It was about eight in the evening. I hadn't had anything since the mid-day ... nor did any of my friends. We were so hungry... so we rushed to the dining. It didn't take much ... we came out heavy with food before we walked to our hostel. After sometime, other of my roo mates came. As we were all tired of the day we didn't stay up long. It was about nine. When we turned off our light. Tommorow we had our classes again.

The third week of November, I was busy in the practical physics lab, a classmate of mine, handed a letter from my teacher from the last school. I was really surprised. It was not only strange to hear from him because it is almost certeain that usually teachers they do not write to the students.

After I had left that school it was the first time he was writing to me. And I was very proud for that he did write me back.

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7th Nov. 1997

Dear Yuba
Thanks for your letters I received yesterday as I went thru them my happiness grew no bounds. I felt a surge of happiness through out my veins! I am happy to know that you are fine there. I am also fine here. Accept our seasonal greetings and best wishes thru me and pass it through your old friends Bishnu, Prakash, Santosh (s), Rochan and others. I am willing to write Bishnu. Perhaps I will write tomorrow.
I know you are facing some problems there. These problems are natural. We face such problems during the adaptation to a newer environment. Altho police are hard and teaches are silent there, they may turn soft towards you in no time. Please! Don't worry about foodings. You'll have a habit very soon. You had better mind your study. Is study not better there? Perhaps it's better!
People say that 10+2 is 7 times difficult than SLC It may be true. Labor 7 times more than you used to do it here. You will surely succeed in future. You'll of course hand your aim you had dreamt with me.
I am busy here. You know that we have to busy with the SLC students. We are hopeful on Rajendra Aryal. It may be a castle in the air! Let's see what happens. Nobody knows the future!
I have nothing to write anymore. So, I want to stop now and I'll write again. I am looking forward to hear from you very soon

Ever Yours
Som Rimal
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The same week I also got the letter from my friend of my last school narjan, it was his second letter.

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5th Nov '97

Dear Yubraj

How are my dear, loveliest friend studying there. Hey men do study hard. This is your day and these two years if you toil hard; you will get to spend in a more pleasurable way. Don't take this step casually neither you all will be fooled by your prude education.
Dear bro, study hard this is my suggestion to you. Studying in such a nice school means bright future but to obtain that one should know to toil hard. You have hostel environment not as ours spending life lavishly playing except doing homeworks if they are given. Neither, neither...
How about Kushal, bishnu dear santosh Prakash, Niroj, Rochan, Yogen (bro!) and ...(oh it's Raju) who is this unfortunate guy whose name I forgot. Please convey my hi and hellow to these fellows along with this one chap. Say to these and to the girl followers, keep away from them as it is not the proper way you select studying science. We often play football, volleyball and sometimes basketball during the interval. You know these junior 10,9,8 students show pose to us. I don't know one day I'll happen to create mishap to these 'posee' boys if I come across. We have good terms with 12 boys and even girls. They are frank enough.
There's not many to write. Convey my good wishes for the coming Christmas and happy new year 1998 to your board 4th. Sandip (is it right) all the boys of pokhara, all your class mates and the girls (if am I right is there 'SA" girls names)
Write to me soon. Bye as my ink says so!
Ever Yours Bro And well wisher friend
Narjan

Your Guitar is well... Love
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Well, it was one of those winter days, that noon after our lunch, Me and my friend Kush; we were down below the terrace. The sun high in the sky was giving the wamth against the chill cold wind that was hitting hard our face. I was lying down in the ground trying to take a very short sleep; where as my two friends, janak and Kush, sitting next to me were taking to each other. Just that there was a terrible shout and a big gathering in very short time.

It wasn't even far from from us ...just about twenty metres, right infront of the class building of the seniors. We were down the terrace so we couldn't see unless we got to that place. When we reached we saw few senior brothers were carrying the School captain to the Medical hall. From other friends we heard one of their friends had him on his head with a piece of broken brick from the back for the little dispute he had among themselves. As soon as he struck the captain, the captain fell off to the ground, he lay with his head was covered with blood before his friends carried him away.

It is almost a reality, when people of similar kind live together in same place... there will be many groups. It was almost a legend to me there were often big fights against these groups, the times when things didn't work between them.

Though things didn't happen with us but before us, I had heard there were two main groups that existed...and it was from the juniors of the primary school to the most seniors and it was to be that one had to support one of them, else it would even be worse and no help would be given when needed. And it was a sort of tradition that these groups often had big fights even in a very trival things. It was stange that Gurus, would know it at any cost . They would be punished so hard that sometimes they were severly kicked and punched ... the marks on their faces lasted for many weeks and sometimes even moths but still there used to be fights. No one had ever stopped it.

It was also that we also had groups but not two, we had many... it was from two to eight, nine or even ten. We really didn't fight each other perhaps it was because we ignored each others..only talked for the things that were necessary. Two weeks later, it was the late noon after class. It was raining outside and I was taking to my room mates, about my friend Shama with the things she had told me. That morning after our practical I was taking to her and that time she had told me she didn't favour one of my friend. And It was Yogen who she had mean. I was just kidding I suddenly unknowingly I happened to tell it to my friends. But I didn't tell the person who she meant. My friends pushed me the most to tell it ..but I didn't.. Before making it the matter of much concern, I told them I was just making fun and it wasn't true and left the room.

So, I left the room and came out on the lawn of the hostel. It had rained that afternoon, but now the rain was over ... I was surprised, I could see the snow on the top of the hill. It looked incredible. Some of my friends were also there talking about it . I joined them and we kept talking about it till it started getting dark.

Next day, after my practical class, I was coming back to put the signed sheets back to my desk. One of my friend Kushal, he was sitting back of my sit ...(he often took the place) reapeated the same question that I had a bit of the disscussion just a day before that I had with other of my room mates. He asked me to tell me who the person was? I didn't answer him rather told him I was just kidding so asked him to forget about it. Moreover, he told that last night all other old friends of mine had talked about it and had draw a lottery among thamselves. The person who got it would be the person that my friend shama should have disliked and he had to talk to her about it . It was santosh shrestha who got it . I was told that he had tried to talk to her about it but she didn't understand. I was totally shocked hearing all this. I didn't believe it for all that my old friends had done. For this, we had some arguments, and he kicked me. I did same as before I came out of the class.

After our class was over, that evening, I was in my room, studying in my room . Then he came and asked me that he had something to talk to me. We had been friends since we were very young. We had spend a decade together, shared everything for that many years. We read in same class, slept in the same room.... I knew I had known him better through these many years. We were more than friends ...more like a brother.. that we had been for these many years. And a old friend, perhaps it's the greatest treasure to every human, and small quarrel that we had was nothing at all that would abrupt the relation that we had. I thoughts things were over and we are again the same good friends.

Hearing his call, I closed my books and walked with him. He took me to the Bathroom and closed the door but didn't look it. I was totally shocked how immediately he changed his voice and his mind. He put of his glasses and placed them on the corner and took his belt out. He made the first charge. We had a fight. I don't know how long was it and what happened... after sometime other friends heard it and they came to made us apart. They took me to my room but he was still there. From the door I saw, he freed himself from others, he was shouting like a mad man. Everyone were gathering around him and looking at him in a strange way. He was walking forth and back smaching all the electric switches that were near by.

Soon all my friends came after the play and they asked me for the reason. I told them everthing. That evening, after our meal we all friends of the last school gathered in his room and we talked. I was lucky, they told I was innocent and accused him,..They asked him to fight to them first if he thinks of fighting to me again. I was delighted for all others of my friends for their kindness but there was something that obssessed me for severeal weeks and months.A friend, who I believed and loved, deceived me for just a simple reason. I felt sorry for him... for that he didn't lose only that I had for him for that many years but he nearly lost other friends too.

The next day, He was again sitting behind he in the class. I didn't understand what was he still looking for. I was worried and feared so, I decided to talk to my friend santosh that I don't want him sitting close to me anymore else I would talk to the priciple and if it didn't work then would rather leave the school.

Santosh helped me taking to him. Later he came with the news, he told them that he wouldn't show himself around me anymore. I was happy to hear it. It was good that he kept his words and I could stay up well again with no more fear or anxious.


In was beginning of December, eveyone was busy with sports. Several teams were made according to grades and sections for different games and sports. I didn't take part in any. Our class, we were good in football, we own the seniors and also the section B of class eleven. But we lost in all others. When It was over we were asked to stay for three more days.

The other events like long jump, Javelin throw, Shot put and different races were performed. On the King's 53 birthday, 31th of Dec, we had the sports day.There, we arrived in the play ground with our school uniform almost at the noon. We, I mean Kush and me, took our place beneath the trees at the corner which was about 15 meters above the ground. From there we could see most of the things. We curiously watched the gils in Saries. It was only the day, that the girls were made to put Sari, grey in color in which the two white lines about, clearly distinctive ran closer across the length. They looked specular in it.. I liked it...specially my classmates. All the girls from our eleven and twelve worked as the volunter there, they welcommed the senior police officers and also the chief who had inagurated the function. That day the finals of most of the events were performed.Then there was prize distribution for the winners and also for some teachers and staffs.

After the program was over, me and Kush we went the hostel, packed our things. We got ready for the winter vacation we had for the next two weeks. Soon his brother came and we went to the hostel warden to sign out "Gate pass" . My feeling, they were so strong. I was ao anxious to see my family, my mother and everyone. The only thing that was in my mind was to get home.
It's always a very different feeling to live in hostel. When you have to live with your own. Things always don't turn the way we think. Life always seems it had been caught up in some sort of cage and about freedom and wishes, no way, that we ever feel its existance. We will just feel a force that drive us and the life stirs along with it.

Two weeks vacation ... it was good getting back home even for that two weeks. I could feel the freedom. I could feel the real love as everybody had so much to give to me, to talk to me for so many things they had and they had been waiting for until my arrival. Moreover, I need not think of classes, no more about my books and my studies, though it did mean only for a couple of week but it did matter to me a lot. And I felt it's real worth.

So many times it had made me feel and very often made me think. It's many times we don't realise love for the things when they are around us. We never realise, how importace it is unless we really miss it or we know we are losing it. Everybody cared me and loved me perhaps it was because I had always lived away from them. If I would have been together I knew things wouldn't have had been the same way. There is certainly bond, the unbreakable bond between us but still it was stronger because we had been living with a distance. I knew we wouldn't have felt it, this stronger if we had been living together.

Well, it didn't take long to notice that it has been the time I had to go back to school. After two weeks of great days in winter, I was again back to my school. Sunday, second week of Jan. classes intiated... I got started with my schedule of school routine. In a week, we easily got used to it.

The same week, Friday late afternoon, a friend brough a letter from narjan. He wrote:

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16th Dec. '97

Dear Yubraj
A lot of remembrance from this poor and sad friend of yours. I received your letter all the others too. from Santosh too and the latest with enclosed photo in it. Tears nearly fell from my eyes to hear good news of you and all other my dear friends. You know mw quite well though you fail to know me To this day with gods grant I am quite o.k. I pray the same to you all, not the thing with me.
Dear Uraj, you know I had hardly time to write to you. I take out time but that is spent lavishly .you told about your result .Congratulations for that and try for better result. Convey my congratulations to Santosh and Kushal. Convey my poor affection to all the guys from Pokhara. My heart yearns to come and meet you all there but you know I don't have holidays. Please do better in coming days as for me I am lacking day by day though you dream had come true.
My lovely Friend Uraj, no one know none's heart in my sense, not even the psychologist may be you've know me surfacially but I assume you know nothing about me Please don't write letters in others name as it pierces me through my heart and mind .I love you all fellows. My love also yearns to see you all. These letters though they bring news about my lovely friends but they make my heart cry thinking about our friendly cooperation's in the days gone.
You might be surprised to hear that the girl had spoken to me. She received your letter and asked me if I knew you and told\suggested me that you've asked me to write to you.
We don't have holidays when you have I had phoned to your brother and knew that you're coming on 15th. Hope this letter reaches to you before than that.
What to write my friend, I don't have like your sweet news. I am panic of all those who are _________ though I try to become _____________ but I can't my bro! Life is a pendulum between tears and happiness but to me it's tears. I cannot do what I wish because I am depressed.
At last convey my warm regards to all those friends there and the person enclosed in your photo .Convey my best regards to Santosh , Prakash ,Raju Kushal, Niroj, Rochan,Yogen, Bishnu.
Happy new year to you all
Good bye
With love
Yours
Narjan G.

Hope we are also playing football in galaxy Cup
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For long time, there had been a rumour in our class going tour to darjeeling, India... But it had only been a legend. The school admistration had never shown any interest about time. But 30th, of Jan, the Matryers day, we had holiday anyway, they decided to take us out for a day for the picnic.

Morning, it was about seven, after the breakfast we had gathered infornt of the medical hall, just right above terrace of our class building. The day was clear and the sun was slowly rising up in the sky. It was a sort of strange feeling to me to see a difference in us. We were all pretending to look good in the most possible way, with pretty dresses, perhaps it was the essence of our youth, and the adolecent dreams we had. But something more was making me to think. We were definetely trying to look better, but I felt a sort of a crush when I realised it had form a sort of contrast in between us. It was reveiling our standards of our living, the status we possess. As we were friends, good friends, indeed but only the thing that differentiated us was that we didn't belong to the same category. There were many who were from very good families, businessman or belonging to senoir officers of police force or other kinds. So, there were friends who who were very fancy with splendid dresses and also there were many that fashonable. It did make me think, but there was no way other than to ignore it for that day and make it just an exception. Perhaps it was the reason why everybody didn't take part but still, I could say Almost everyone did. In total, we were ninty-two.

Even with all this, I knew it was not only that I felt, but it should have been the thing that too many of the others should have cared for it. But still .. the glimpse of smile in everyone face and and the excitiment they had, very distinctive in their behaviour was should have been satisfied them. It was about eight in the morning, I felt something strange… well, every of my friends turned there faces to a direction. I was surprised and astronised. The girls were walking down their hostel building in their magnificent dresses. I too for the time being keep wandering them. It was astronising beauty they poised. I felt it a sort of an outbrust of the hidden glamour they possessed. Indeed, they were beautiful I realised. As we walked down to the office building along with them, there had already been two buses to take us to the respective spot. One of them was our school bus, it was meant for the teachers and the girls though, remaining seats were taken by our friends. But me and for my friend Kush, we decided for the big bus. Finally we took the seat together and in some time we were away from our school heading towards east along the "Areniko Highway".

The seats in the bus had not been enough for all of us and inside, in the bus, it was so crowded so, some of them decided to climb on the roof of the bus. I thought for a while, then we too decided to go to the top. Finally there were only few inside the bus and most of us on the top. The sun was already high in the sky and was bright, I could feel the some heat inside when we showed up in the sun where as it was cold again, when the high hills hid away the sun. It is always a very different feeling being together for some occasions like this. On the roof of the bus, there we had guitar, one of the friend was playing it ... where as almost all of the others were singing together like a choir no matter they didn't care for how they sounded... They were totally overwhelmed with the feelings. I too noticed, some of my friends did make some joints, and smoked all the way. They told it gave them an extra energy. I was surprised to see the way they had been inspired to do so. Though, I only kept watching at them with a silence ...but still I seeked a great pleasure seeing them they way they were doing. As, we came by ...we came across clear water river with clean riverside and natural flowing through the georges in between the giant grey hills, which, after the winter were waiting for some rain to bring them new green leaves in the spring. The scenerio all around was absolutely incredible. Coming through the good roads, which were recently rebuilt. Then also bumping through the rough roads that had nearly made us fall, after about fourty miles, it was almost one in the noon, when we reached close to the respective spot, Lameshangu, a riverside place in the beautiful location on the bottom of the hill. Then we came out from, walked to the south, there was a small Suspension bridge for the villagers to get to the next side of the river. As we walked down the dusty street, I twiged out some notes of the guitar, that I was carrying with me until we reached the spot. I was already getting hungry and was worried about it but I was surprised, there was a sort of snacks that had already been made for us by our school kitchen cooks even before we had arrived. It was bitten rice with some goat meat fried with it. I was hungry so I took it. But I couldn't eat it all because it was too greazy with too much of fat. Well, soon after the light mean, everybody took there way. I didn't know where my friend kush had gone. In the beginging looking for him I walked down to the riverside, as there had already been some of my friends earlier than me. There I could see no sign of him. Then I decided for fishing small fishes which I initialyy thought I would get them. But even with my best I didn't see even one. Desperetly I came back.

When I was back I was surprised, there had been a gathering of some boys and girls- boths, but not all of them. Well, two or three of them were taking their turn, and dancing, in a couple in a sort of Hindu music, from the stereo that they had carried all the way from the school. Everyone there seemed enjoying there. Just then I saw, our physics teacher, Pushpa, he was behind me. There were also some other teachers a bit farther. So, then I went closer to him and started a talk. Soon the teachers also finished their meal and they decided to make their way and we, two of us, we climbed about 50 meters right the top and took our way. On the way we talked about that magnificient place, and also few things about ourselves. Well, he had joined our school as the lecturer, after few months of our arrival. I was never that good for any teachers to make notice in me, but I didn't know the reason why Pushpa sir had some favor for me. During his prior physics lecture, when he was new. He had hit a piece of chalk over to me and had asked me to listen to him, I just looked at him once but didn't defend and after some time he even asked me to leave the class. That day I din't tell anything to him... I just lowered my eyes and heard him. But I felt strange, it didn't take much time when his feelings to me turned all the way around. I was not very good with studies for that he would know me as the best students as most of all the teachers would do. And in sometime I was delighted with his feeling as often he did asked to me if I did understand his lecture or not. That was a great surprise but more this ... a great happiness to find someone who would care a humble guy for no reason. Later the next year, when he stated living in our hostel to help us with our studies, we were often together, leaving the hostel. We would talk all the way and I was always proud being with him. Well, As we came pass by, about twenty meters below we saw the worn out heavy machines, great many as ten including, bulldozers and drillers which seemed to have been abandoned after the completion of the contruction of that project. We then came across a small, significent pool, a water reserviour, for the hydroelectric project. As we came further, we saw the workers there, they were busy playing cards and a guard with an old Rifle on his shoulder was standing close to them.. As we came closer we asked them the way to get down, all of them looked at us for sometime and showed us the way before they again engaged in the game. In a short while, we came at the bridge where the dam was located. There, the three tunnels carried the water to the turbine to produce the electicity about 30 KiloWatts. Surprisingly I met my friend Kush there, and from there we came back. On the way there was a small hill about hundred meters in height, we, both of us climbed the top. Well, it was amazing, we could see everything from there. Looking around I got something else stunned me. Well, I saw a pair, totally isolated had been busy with their own way. They were both, from our class. And straight away, I predicted it was no other than Amru. Well, I should it to kush but then we walked back.

The dacing had not been over yet. We, too came and kept watching them for some time until it was four, time for the meal. In the meantime we had rice, especially cooked and then fried along with the meat. We were each given a drink, frooti. We had it till we were full. After, the meal, then again singing and dancing continued.

I was surprised, the principal also got into it ... Well I do appeciate him for he did make a lot of fun for himself and everyone though I understand it shouldn't had been that easy for him to dance with his big belly. Meanwhile, some other teachers and also the Camp commandent didn't hesitate to dance. The one reason they did could be that they were partly drunk. But still they all did it and it was great. Then we were told to get ready to move back to school. It didn't take much before we moved. Well, coming back to school, I took the seat in the back of small truck, with the kitchen staffs with their cooking stuff. However, a classmate, Rupesh, was also there. I was very happy for not being in crowd... that moment.
It was about eight in the evening when we reached the school.


The 7th of Feb 1998, in the assessbly, the principal of our school gave a sad news a junior brother Kishan, in the class eighth had hung himself in the kicthen of his uncle. He delivered a short speech about his death, it was a great shock to see the principle, his voice was grave and he had his eyes filled with tears. He announced a day, holiday in the memory of him.

Hearing the news, we left the place in disgust. While returning back to our hostel.. we saw the junoir brothers shouting from their hostel lawn. We stop, and it no time they came rushing down to us. Then they told us the story.

According them, while returing back from home, the gurus had caught him with some packets of chewing tobaccos in his bag. They had punished him severe and finally had asked him to come with his parents. He was the only son of his parents, though had a sister. Fearing, from his step mother at home, instead had gone to maternal uncle and had lived lived with them for few days before he hung himself in the kitchen when they were away. His friends told he was a simple and a very cool guy and things that happened became irressistable and it had committed him for the sucide. Moreover, they told us that the school admistration, to free from the charge, had disproved his arrival at the school. Finally they urged us for help, as we were one of the most seniors in the school. It was enough for us ... It was soon everyone knew the story and from there we headed to the principle's office instead of making our way to hostel. In a short while there was huge crowd infront of the office. We then were accompained by our senior brothers. Everyone there accused the principle, and the admistration, along with the gurus for the death of the boy. Everyone told he was the murdererand it was his strict rules and his severe punishments had become the reason for the boys death .

Many times the principle came out in the crowd and told that he was not liable for it. He was not responsible for the death. And He told, the boy had never been in the school after he left home. But if he had done mistakes then no way he must be punished. This saying of his brought much of aggresion in the crowd that they had nearly pulled him in the crowd to hit him and throw stones on him. The discussion went for long and long but he didn't change his mind. He didn't accept defeat. I didn't do much but I attended the support for what all my friends were wishing for. The crowd made the greatest effort to acknowledge the principal, his mistakes but no way he did, it ... Finally the crowd was tired, and couldn't afford to stay longer for it, as the mid day had already been over... but still we hadn't had the lunch. There was no other way. We had to give up. And it ended up in total despereation.

Friday, first week of feb, just as every third weekend, most of my friends had gone to their homes. That day, after our school, Kush and me, we decided to go for a look at the fesitval, in a small town, Panauti near by to our school. The festival took place in the center of the town, for a month and in every twelves years. We had been noticing, it was the busiest time ever. We could see so many buses would carry people, even the roof would usually be full with people.

It was about a half an hours bus ride from our school. It was about four in the evening when we reached there. In reality, I was never interrested in losing myself in big crowds. Usually it would have been a hard time for me. As, we walked around, we saw ... there were so many temporary shops made by the indian businessman on the both sides of the muddy street. There were some places covered with tent for the circus. I just kept looking for one after another in a strange way as I had never been to any sort like this.

My friend Kush, just walked along with me and it was so good of him that, all the way he only led me to decide for the things to do. We started up wondering along the riverside... there the way was paved with stones but the river, the water was so black and looked very contaminated. But I felt strange, people they were walking down into it and diping themselves into it, to get salvation, to get rid of the sin washing away by the holy water of that river. About twenty meters down from the place we came to the edge where the two rivers met. At the end there on the river place there was the Ghat, the place for burining dead bodies.

Though, with the passage of time, my beliefs for god had been blurred and it was that I never again thought gods would ever exist in temples or in statues. I had the only belief, that it's the heart of the poor people we should fancy them, with love and delights not to go craze that never existed. But still I didn't give up watching the corners of the temples. The wooden carvings on the layout of the roof were beautifully designed. I believed they got to be the perfect hands whosoever had made them.

After then we retuned back from where we had begun, but this time we moved to the next direction, the moved towards the hill in the east. It was steep ...and it started from the bottom of the river. From the people we learnt that there were about thousand steps. As we climbed ... we came across the old couples, we were surprised to see they had been carrying some water in their couple hands to take it to the top. So, this was the reason their paces were even slower.

When we reached top, there was a man, priest, in a very dark room, with no windows, there was only a electric bulb hung below for light. There were many people to see him. I hardly managed to see him once before I walked away from that place. From a man there, who had been living close by place, down in the town told that he was know as Standing Baba, who had never sit for the last sixteen years.

"There were times, his feet often bleeded but with time his wounds healed" he told us with confidence. Moreover, he told us that the man was well educated and had got some degree but he didn't know why he had decided to became a shadhu. Looking around I liked the place... rather than cause of catching up with any religious influences.There were so many trees and most of them pines, which were green through out the year. I liked it the most. After then, it didn't take much coming down the hill.

As we were trying to get back, I glaced at the sound, blowing of the sea- shell. From between the crowd, I was a long line of people hanging a long white sheet of cloth with their stcks passed by, then people carrying the dead body, covered in redish brown cloth walked after them... Finally, people carrying the long wooden lod followed them. It was the dead body being carried away to burn in ghat. "Death is the only gateway for birth," I recalled looking at. I know it's a sad thing but the reality that could never be ignored.

After tea in a small shop, we decided to leave. We had to be back to school before it got too late. It was already about six in the evening. The bus there was about to leave. Then, we decided to climb on the roof. When I climbed and turned around, I saw he was already gone. I looked around but didn't see him. As I was about to come down. He came. He was puffing out smoke from his mouth. I was surprised to see that. Even more, to surprised him, though I was not used to smoking, but I seized his cigeratte and puffed the smoke from the nose, just as the real smokers could do. But I couldn't even finish it up in right way. Heavy cough lasted for many minutes, but my friend just stayed laughing at me until I recovered. Then I realised what I had done.

Just before we left, two of our classmates, we saw Bidur and Pragyan. They too joined us. All the way back, it was intresting hearing the tragic lovestory of Bidhur, the girlfriend who had departed from his place and had moved to a different town. Before, we dropped at school, I told him, If I was capable, I would have made a movie with his story. He cheered when I told him that. Finally, Kush and me we dropped to get back to the school where as they preceeded their journey to the Capital, to their homes, in the valley.

The third week of Feb, there was again a letter from Narjan.

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26th Jan '98


Hi Yubraj,
Hello, how are you?
I am fine and wish you the same. I am sorry for being unable to fulfill your desire to climb that hill. Please don't break your heart. Well surely do that.
How about other guys .say my hi and hello to all Santosh Grg, Santosh Shres, Kushal Grg, Prakash Grg, Prakesh Shres, Yogen Thakali, Rochan (Renu), Bishnu, Raju and Niroj. Convey my best wishes for New Year.My great love to you all .
Our second term has terminated. I did my best to obtain better but my mind failed or cracked over triffling matter. I don't know I will get better result or not .I am waiting for that. I'll surely write about it.
What's your result? You chummy girls. Never hang behind girls. They are trouble. Hey Yubraj do hard. Santosh you increase your way of speech, Yogen and all you co-operate each other. Bishnu don't be too serious o.k & this Rochan why are you after girls. We are never after girls. Girls should be after us.
Kushal, you do hard, don't keep your mind tingling or lutering (Prakash)2 what to say to you .One is motu and other is ............. Please don't get irritated. Santosh (Kui) what are you doing. Don't you show your Sadak Muscles. Raju and Niroj.
I visited school that same poor old school where we all were great friends, friends of sorrow, happiness, tears and laughter. Friends of needs. Except for new building, water supply tank there's no change I found very disorder.
My present school is very orderly than our past. I feel very sad as I had gone with some of my friends.
Hey Yubraj, I may come and visit you all, if I have holiday. You all study hard O.K.
Your's Ever friend
Navir Jung Grg

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In hostel, sometimes life it gets amazing. We don't think of doing for that we are meant to or that we can do. Usually boys prefer to do things that have greater restrictions. Perhaps I won't be wrong to tell most guys would love to smoke or drink or sneak to the near by village to steal corns in the end of summer days or sometimes chicken and make some party among themselves. I know it sounds stnage when I talk about all this but the pleasure we get after doing all this together, it has it's own meaning, it's own definition and it's own importance for it's existance. And I don't find wrong with their doings. Certainly there were only few of those that could be numbered in fingers who wouldn't do it. And out of those I was also one of them who didn't prefer getting myself engaged with it but I greatly had pleasure to hear everyday story that came from the boys. I greatly enjoyed it.

One evening I was surprised most of my roommates, were missing. Except me it was Krishna was the one who was in the room. After the supper almost others were already inside the hostel.
It was closer that the time was coming for the evening count by the wardens. But still my friends were still missing. Now I was anxious and worried about them because the warden would ask me first about them if they didn't find them in the room as I was not only their roommate but I was their old friend. Then what was I supposed to tell to them? There was nothing in my mind, nothing at all. So, was I getting down with my nerves, slowly loosing my control ... and my patience.

Just before sometime, the warden was supposed to come, they appeared in the room. I was so surprised to see them, the way, they looked, their appearences, they had been terribly dirty, with the mud. They seemed so drunk so I thought, they should have fallen in the ground so many times and should have crawled through most of their way.

I was worried, most of the time they were laughing and I seemed for that the problem was very soon to come. I was sure for their would be problem when the wardens would come to look for us in our room. From the door I kept watching for the wardens. I told the friends to change their wear and get books for them infront of them in their bed. It was not so easy to make them do all that, though they did it. Finally, just sometime before the warden was to our room, I made my friends alert about the warden coming and finally I too took my seat. As the warden came, he quitely looked into our room for our presence and then moved to the next room. He didn't get them, so, were they were lucky for that day.

After then, I asked them about all the day.


It was not long after it ... One day I was back to the hostel after dinner. Usually I was one of those who went to the dining after all had moved away. Many times it was that many of them would already be back to their room where as I would be on my way to it. The main reason for it was I hated being in line. But I don't want to mean that I had never been in it. I had been in it but would always avoid to bee in it. And also I hated the mess with the crowd. Last nine years had made it enough.

Well, that evening I was in my room taking to my room mates. Just than we heard the big sound. Sans, he was taking out the gurus bike ... in a position to ride it in such a small corridor. And he did it. The sound it was so big and horrible. He went to and forth, the way was clear for him and everyone came out to see it from the door of their room. It was only the head they were taking out from the door. Everybody had their body inside. It was good watching it but if the gurus knew ... it would be the greatest trouble for him and only the thing it was only the thing I had feared with. But it wasd good, after a couple of times riding to and forth he kept the bike back to it placed and everybody returned to their work.

Later next week, it was almost the similar evening, when some strange noise came from the room right opposite to ours. We all came to the door. Almost every one was know to it. The kaman singh had made two of the friends, yubraj (my mitju) and raju crawl in the knees and elbow within the corridor. He was kicking them on their back and from the under, unable to restain his blow they fell off from their positions, losing their control with all their defences failing to resist it. The guys should have felt it horrible. Everyone watched it but not a word was spoken. Later I cme to know, he had caught them smoking in the bathroom before they had left for the dinner from the hostel the same evening.


The 1st of April, there was something I was wishing for the day. And it was something that I was getting it only in my mind but never did I tell it to any one. Perhaps... "Romances should always be secret" something I believed in. That morning, I left the hostel early. Before the assembly, I sorted out there was no one in the class rooom except the girls. Then I went straight to Amru and handed the letter to her mentioning it was for her. But they made me stupid instead, they told it was the "Fools Day" and they could never be fooled. But inside it ...there was something I was writing in it not very special but something passonate. "Words" A love song of the boyzone. It was nothing big... only just a surge of the passion.

Taking about her... it was true I did liked her, one of the reason for it was she was no any sort of much show off. Indeed she was simple among the rest. And of course, she was beautiful. Even during the initial days, there were times when I tried to get into her. Santosh he didn't like my way the feelings I had about her. He told me...
" You shit head don't overflow yourself that way. It doesn't cost for them."
" It's a very good advice for me ' I had told him with the laughter. "But damn do you think I would listen to you." I would tell him. He wouldn't like to talk to me about it again. Nomatter, how would the thing as come and what the future would tell but still I had my own happiness and satisfaction in getting with it. Just to take a part to make a way if it favored else it didn't matter because life ...it's just a course and there is nothing permament... to remain or last forever. Everyone has to go on with their own way come across different person with different realities and miracles or mysteries and get to the end... With time, place and the situation everything chages ... So, there is nothing that is at rest ... everything is going on ... and only the thing perhaps is ... we play our part right on same stage where we are only the actors. Well, the same week Narjan wrote me for the next time.

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3rd March '98

Dear Yubraj

Thanks for your letter. How are you passing your days. I hope you are passing enjoyably with old friends . Mine too are passing with every tastes, sad, happy, bitter. There's no new news except the remembrance of your and pokhreli friends I got your both letters though I have only sent one. I am quite sorry for that.
Hope you are all studying well but I am sorry to hear about my friends poor performance. Please don't loiter your mind and concentrate on studies though the same with me. My % was quite less than before about 75% though I got first in the class. This result isn't satisfactory to me. I am trying hard leaving all the time I used to waste loitering, chating with friends but it is quite different to do that I feel.
Nothing new, all are same. I haven't met any old friends except daksha that was also in the open concert at Bashushara park organized by Namaste band as the occasion of maha shivaratri in ktm also. The concert was quite enjoying, jumping, dancing, singing, chasing of police. Oh! Really enjoyable and thriller. It was even more enjyable to throw the bottles, paches here and there in the sky. We nearly had a fight. One of the police in civil hit our friend, then one of my friend charged him with stone on the face but that fellow didn't know who hit it. Cob webs performance heavy metal was quite good. that vocalist is quite talent. Yeh! I am sorry I haven't taken your guitar yet. You were complaining about that in your last letter. I tried to take on the same day but we returned quite late i.e it was dark so we returned home. I'll take this Saturday.daksha has also brought nice guitar from Silguri as he had gone Kakarvitta for under-16 football tournament. Have you given farewell party to 12? We are planning to do so as 9 has already given to 10.
How about other charming Pokhareli guys? Hie hello to you all crazy and nuts and bad. But don't become true to this name my dear guys . We are friends, friendship should last forever, cooperate and try to keep one another in right track. Yeh! Yogen you asked about pretty girls. Now it's khadheri lagecha sab bhidahi bhayera tyo ke ganre haina bro tara: remember never go behind gals. It's your time to study. Then later many hang around you.
I am sad to hear the news about suicide. May god give peace to his soul. Ya kushal had come in shivaratri and send message to me with my friend durga.
Though I miss you all, there are faces similar to our old friends. There is nawaraj, Bikash , Arjun, Anand, Raju Sujan Durga, Rochan. These guys are similar to ours in name and character. This Bikash has face (not same )name like that of santosh not exact and handwriting purely of Bikash. I have nicknamed same as in our school says. Bikash Dumba, Anand Bandar, Arjun hape, Durga Bahula wa Bhale, Though I found many friends but I greatly miss you all chummy guys.
Give my warm regards and chum hello and smile to all. If you all are reading then chou to you all guys. Convey my regards to sandeep and ravi.
With luv
Ever Yours brother and friend
Narjan Grg
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Two weeks later, one of the tranfer of one of our warden was confirmed. It was Joshi guru who was to te transferred to one of those checkpoint at the border of Nepal and India in the south.
The last night before he left, we made a fare well program.

Beforehand we had collected a small some of money to buy him a present. No matter what he was, and how he was ... but before he left ... we last words he spoke to us. It really touched me. He was never that bad but his speech it was really so affectionate I had never believed he would any one like him would ever speak being so low and asking for apology for any of his undesired mistake.

Everyone was delighted with his words and sad for that that he was leaving.

The same week there was the next warden, Shanker guru, who had reentered the school after a year. Later we called him "Sacre" to make it easy. I was a sort of anxious and excited to see him. Everybody was only talking about him and his strictness. He had his own rules and his punishments, and it was what everone did fear with. No one ever dared to talk against him. The first day in the hostel, that evening we were in hostel after our meal when we were called to attend his speech in the end of the corridor near the steps that led to the second floor. He was blad man with a sort of of round face and big forhead. He had strong accent of the force and very coarse voice that would make no confusion in what everyone had been taking about. That moment I had no doubt that he could be the toughtest man I wopuld have ever come across to.
Well, when he begin his speech, the crowd came to the total silence, than that I had ever believed. No one spoke a word when he talked. Mostly he talked about himself, for what he was and that we would do to us for the mistakes and told us to know more about him from the brothers. He went on for half of an hour, before he let us free.

The last week of April, we had the sent up exam. After then we would have no regular classes for about three weeks. We would be allowed to stay in hostel and prepare ourselves for the papers of the final exam from the Board of Examination of the Higher Secondary School.

After the sent up, things turned up different. When there would be no classes, then I started feeling days longer than the usual. But there was one thing I liked. We were allowed to maintain our routine. It was that we could still go later for our meal. Not that very late before they cleaned up the things but still some sort of late. No matter they would say... Don't make it late next time. But still they would accept it even if we made it the next day.

Guys they would make their own way to study. It might be a surprise to hear that most of they would leave the hostel to find or make a place for them in some part ... lonely or with few other friends. It was only few that would stay in the hostel. I was one of them that was always inside it and in my room though and it was almost usual that I would be alone in the room for hours without knowing where my room mates had been. But one of my good friend kush, he too would also be there in his room, just the way I was.

Usually it was our room, where the lights would go off, first in the evening. Most of my roomates would go to sleep earlier but it was some time I stayed up to mid night preparing the notes. My friends in my room would all be asleep efore I finally turned the light off. But sometimes Prakash of the Tiger would do the same while running through the exams. Sometimes they even stayed till one or two. And it was everytime that I would never get asleep unless they turned off the light. I was not used to sleeping in lights and it was always I suffered with when my friends sytayed up late than me.

But in other room there were friends who would only sleep for four or five hours a day. I couldn't even think of how they could do it. I always felt they would go crazy soon. But there was no sign of any discomfort in them. It had almost been their nature and they did had no problem with it.
There was an extraordinary routine. Since the beginning of the week we had been served with an extra meal in the evening. At about eight thirty or nine the kitchen staff would bring us tea in a Big Thermos carrying it by one of them on his back. Others would carry a sort of snacks. It was some sort of Cake or biscuits or the a packet of noodle uncooked. It was called as an "Night diet" to keep us awake till late in the evening.

It was no more than a week after, in the evening it happened that most of them would be only be waiting for the extra diet rather than getting through our books and notes to prepare for the final. When it was done, we wouldn't stay up late anyway. In reality it was only a sort of fun rather than what it had been for but still it was good. We did enjoy it.



Two, weeks later... that evening there was a sort of noise going on in the hostel. One of my roommate came with the news.The guys had disguised themselves in the black and scare the kitchen staff in the middle of the way who had brought all the stuff.They had called themselves the maoist. So, the staffs had run away leaving everything in the ground. Some had ran back the way some even climbed the tree and one of them was about to jump down the hill from the side of the road. It would have killed him else at least broken his bones.

That day we were served our diet later.... The guys who had disguised had carried away the snacks much of they could. So, it took time to get the things managed. When gurus knew about it they warned us about it but they didn't consider it much. Later, I came to know it was kanij and also Yogen, my roomate with some other classmates.


Time it didn't take much, one two and three, the days passed swiftly. And ahead of it we had the final from the Third week of May. When the day came, before that very night we were given our entrace card. Our Exams would start at seven in the morning, and the place was about three and half miles from our school. So, we left our hostel at six... then took the breakfast. Before we moved out in our school bus and in a One-ton truck for hundred of us.

Bus was always for the girls, but I prefered in the one-ton truck, which had no cover. But there was the metal bar all around except the back to tie the tent. But for this day it was open ...as it happened when they carried students in it. We would go on singing, or make pray the slogans with the god ... the temple we paassed by. To be specific I didn't do it but with all my friends did I enjoyed it a lot. So, was why I was with them and not in the bus. It was only ten minutes bus ride to the place. Then we came to the small town, an old town but not very big. Almost, all the houses made from the bricks. From the centre we turned left and in next fifty meters there was the school just on the left side of the road, a two storey building.

We stayed there for sometime. Most of the friends there were still turning the pages to see if there was still something they had missed or that they could remember. But for me was enough. I was just excited about the day and new feeling about the strange place. I was just wondering to the houses they way they were built ...so close narrow and tall. And with the people passing by, butchers carrying the recelty killed flesh of buff in the wheel borrow where as in the next side of it there were many coming to the temple, right back of us, to pray with a plate with some flowers and the colour. Especially women, they do it with great caution not to forget to perform every event that they had learnt to please the god. I too stared at two innocent small kids wriling around the bar fencing the temple, early that morning as the light was piercing with the greater intensity.

But as we entered from the entrace, there I saw few other buildings they were old though were four floors. But to the right end there was a new building. I heard it was a sort of a swiss governement that aided for the construcion of that morden building.
At ten minutes to seven we were allowed to enter the hall.

It was a sort of an average room for about fourty students. Well there was my number in the last seat. Behind me I saw a window. I opened. Through it I could see a part of the city with a sort of croweded building… but not very dense. In some moment, there was the next person who came and stood infront of me. In no time I understood, it was the person who would taking the next seat to me. In all, there were about twenty long desks and equal no of benches. It seemed as it had been meant for four people atleast. But in this case it was meant for two. Well, then I did let her in for her place. As I looked to her, with her broad face she had the specular look out of any of the girls in the class. It had quite extraordinary fitted her body and that had made her look beautiful.

Well then I could see, my friend yogen, two rows infront of me was looking back at her almost once every minute, until the bell rang and the paper was given by the guard. Now, I was certain for what she had been for boys. When we had the paper, after sometime I was certain, the girl next to me seemed to have problems. It was usual that English would never be easy for many. Though I wasn't the best but I was confident that I could do it good. I was taking my time, as it had been abundant. Seeing her, I was waiting for her to speak which she had not dared to. Me, I too could afford to ask her though I felt like I understood her situation. Then three of the long hours was over. Half of the full time she had stayed up without writing. I felt so sorry for no being able to help her. After then we drove back to school. There was good meal waiting for us ...good dish of chicken.

A day after it, we had the chemisty paper. After the exam something peculiar occurred. I was almost closer to the entrace gate there was a big crowd gathered on the second floor. Then I saw there was the big fight our boys had. But that moment I didn't understand with whom they had it. The big crowd there, were trying to smash a boys face. The blood rushed cold through my veins when I saw they nearly had thrown him out of the building ... perhaps resulting him with a broken head. It did take sometime before Gurus managed to rescue the boy.

After the fight was over. We were called to be in line, in front of the school building, close to the main entrace gate. The campcommandent of our school came forward and told us to be in line. After some time we were brought out in the similar manner, in a queue.When we came out from the gate I was surprised ... there was a huge crowd gathered and our vehicles were place in the middle of the road one after another. There were about six policeman in uniform who had cleared the way for us. I was totally astronised to see the way we had been guarded from the public. It was not usual for me. When we reached the school. We were again called to be in line. First of all, two of our wardens, Kamansingh and Sacre came forward and gave his speech. From his way I could feel the day had not been good and it was to bring some stiffness and difficulties to us. And also that I was so much worried and feared with the things the gurus might turn out and do to us.

Well, he didn't talk much, before he called the names of the two friends: Niroj and Yogen, both my very old mates. As they came to him he asked them to get to the side and bent to touch the gound with their both hand, then lift their butt before he gave both of them a terrible and a very cruel, harse wipe on it with a thin polythine-pipe of a length about a meter.
"Oh god," I prayed for them. I couldn't dare to see my friends being hit this way.
He stopped only some time before the priciple and the campcommandent of the school came out of their office to see and talk to us. It was the same thing they were taking. Nothing new from what I had seen or felt. We were accused for it. It was final. Later from my friends I came to know that the reason for that fight hadn't been so big. The guy from the other school had asked for the help with Rishav, the guy from our class which he had ignored. Later the boy had asked him why had he not helped him. He didn't tell more before he gave a blow on his face, an a reply. Seeing the conflict, other of my friends had joined him and charged, which would have resulted worse if it hadn't been stopped in time.

To avoid the probable conflict again, it was decided not to mix up the two schools together in a class during the exam. The last night before our last exam, we all were excited thinking about the holiday. After fours days after it we had practical exams for the three consecutive days before we could leave for the vation of one month. In the evening, we had been taking about the same thing in our room. Then suddenly there was a loud noise in the corridor. Everyone was coming out from their room and were moving towards the gurus. But no one was getting inside.After some time I knew from a friend, a bunch of guys, from the senior class had come down and hit kaman singh, one of our warden. I heard some of them had even used their belts.The matter was considered serious, unless the Mek guru, the seniors defended his boys had not been down to hit him. This was a sort of conflict between the gurus themselves. Because of him no further charges were made to his boys.

(The same year he got tranfered .....After few years after my school I heard ... Mek was killed in maoist ambush.) But during his stay there, the boys had always felt him right. He usually ignored what would happen in hostel. Sometimes he would let the boys go even if he caught someone smoking or some other restricted act in the hostel. For this, of his favour the seniors had always liked him. But sometime when he lost his temper, there would be no one to stop him from his act. He would slap hit or do anything he wanted to anyone who is infront of him. Once I saw he had hit some senior brothers infront of the lawn of high school building infront of those junior brothers.So, for this the seniors regarded him as a mad dog and were always scared of him.

Well, I had expected for the revenge for my friends though it had seemed likely on the final day but the police protection for us had been regular till the end so nothing bad happened in the exam center. But after our lunch, as we came back to our hostel... It was totally horrible scene. So, many boxes and bags had been broken. Well, when almost all of our friends came in, it was the total anguish in them. The senoir brothers had broken all our bags, boxes and stuff and taken all the things they wanted.

I looked for it they had taken my things. For the gods shake they hadn't done much damage to me, they had only taken my biology book from the Book case. Well, I had never believed that it would ever happen so, had I simply kept the key of my suitcase right infront, in my bed where I usually kept my books and stuff. It was small and the place wasn't secure so, perhaps they should have neglected it. But for my friends it was horrible. They had broken almost every boxes who had kept their keys underneath their bed. They had taken always all their money, good cloths and also a gold chain of one friend.

The exam was over and it was the moment to cheer but instead everyone was in total angush. It was no longer then, the window glasses were smashed. One, two then three, one after another they smashed. And it was not only of our floor. They too did it in the upper, seniors floor. Some of them went to report to the wardens about it.

The problem had aroused because three weeks before the senoir had left for two weeks holiday after their final exam. It had just been few days they had returned for their practical exams in the lab. During their holiday when they had been to there homes, some of our friends had climbed to their rooms and taken away their books and things. After then when they came back. They did it to all of us and took the revenge. That was it.

Well, when the warden, Sacre, was told then he told us he would help us to talk to the senoirs and get our things back. But warned us for any irregular act rather to stay patience for it. After sometime when he came, he called us and asked us to pack up our things and leave the hostel immediately. We were surprised with his decision. He told him, it would be a problem to many of us from far distance to go home for just a couple of days and get back for the practical exam. After sometime the principle came and we too went to him with our ploblem. He too discarded our opinion. Instead he made his new decision. He posponded our practical exam for the next weeks. And it was final. In a hurry, we had to pack our things. We all gathered our luggages, boxes and suitcase in the gurus room, When everybody brought it there. The room was almost occupied. Things almost touched the ceiling.

At one, we finally left the school. Before we left Sacre, the warden, he again promised to help us and find our stuff and things that had been missing. That day it was decided we all friend from Pokhara, would be leaving to our homes in the night bus. So, I was with the old friends instead of Kush or lava. That afternoon while we were taking the bus to the city we all had climbed on the roof of the bus and we were all in our school uniform. It was only our boys there non were the locals. Sometimes to do the things like this, it could make me fell totally different... would give a different feeling. A sort of great pleasure being with them. It was not only the matter of more safety or that of the strengh to work out things easier, but it was something like a bond to share of every bit of good or bad that comes in the way.

On the way, it rained. There was wind and thunders and lightning. But we were still on the top of the bus with our uniform totally soaked with rain. I was close to Yogen, sitting next to him. Well he did make me laugh many times seeing him being defeated to light a cigerette with his wet hand and in the rain, which finally broke up into two and fell down. When we reached the city. The rain had almost gone down but still it was not yet over. We could see the sun, making its way inbetween the clouds after the heavy rain. Then finally we confirmed our journey that night. Two of the friends, Bishnu and Niroj, they decided to make all the arrangements for the bus ticket and rest of us we made our way for some hours to hang around.

Well, me I too my own way, alone getting around to find a music shop. The moment, I found one I dashed a stranger from the back. The girl, her mother next to her, shouted at me in the middle of the street. In no time people gathered and I felt so guilt I didn't make any offence before then she quitely took her way and the people gathered there walked away. For sometime I felt upset but it was no more. I then decided to work for the music, made the recods of some songs that I had been looking for. The man in the shop, he had most of them of the list I handed to him. I was called after an hour. I walked thought the main street and to the durbar square, just too many people everywhere. I was uausally tired with it. But it didn't make me difficult to get through my time before I got my the record and went back to my friends.

Fortunately, there I met to two of my very old friends, Suman and Nirajan. They were my schoolmates who lived in hostel together when I swas nine or ten. And after about a decade I was seeing them. Well we didn't talk much but memory did flash to make us that we had been the friends long ago. But now, one had been a football player and was working out his way with it where as Nirajan, he was a model and trying to make his space in commercials.

That evening at about eight we left the city. After midnight there was big rain for few hours but it ultimatley stopped when we reached our hometown Pokhara. After then we decided to take our way.


Two weeks later, we came back. We were hopeful to find good out come or result from the warden but it didn't happen. For me ... they had take my oxford dictionary, quite a big one, well it was not a big matter. But there was something that turned me off... my biology practical file with all my practical sheets had been missing from the safe. All the bio practicals through the year had been in it. Now it was almost impossible for me to do it all alone because there was no time. But, then it was my friends Kush and Janak, that persuaded me to build up the cofidence. With their help I managed to do it in the right, the following morning on the day of submission I made it ready. It was a great joy for that it was done.
We stayed there for a week and again went back to our homes for the vacation. This time I made the jorney alone in the night bus where as rest of my friends ferom Pokhara decided to stay for a night in the capital.

A month, it was a great moment .... World cup '98 and its fever had caught me and my brother very high. We would watch almost every games through the day and night. And because of this it didn't take long that a month was almost over and again the day had come I had to get back to the school again.





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